Today, I was trying to relieve a dog that looked like it was choking because it was tied to a pole while its owner was in a restaurant. The owner called a security guard because she was convinced I was trying to steal her dog. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was shopping when I got charged at by a really big dog, causing me to panic and fall. The store won’t do anything because the cunt of an owner lied and said it’s her “service dog.” FML
Today, I saw a dog trying to attack a man. I have experience working with aggressive dogs, so I pulled the dog off him and got it under control. The man punched me in the face for not having my dog on a leash. It wasn't my dog. I don't even own a dog. FML
Today, I had to climb up and sit in a tree for half an hour to avoid being mauled by a huge, insane dog. Its weird-looking owner eventually turned up, sneered at me, and walked off with the visibly smug dog in tow. FML
Today, I was trying to rescue a stray dog and used my work ID to lasso him. I scooped him up and was carrying him to my car when something spooked him and he ran off with my work ID. I eventually found him and traded him a granola bar for my work ID, but not before I reported it missing to my boss. FML
Today, I took my dog to the park. While chatting with another dog owner, my dog managed to steal their sandwich and ran off with it. I had to chase my sandwich-thieving dog through the entire park. FML
Today, I was at the store when I saw that a cart in the checkout line next to me was starting to roll away and the owner hadn't noticed. I tried to help by reaching out to stop the cart from moving, but when the owner saw me with the cart, she began to hit me for trying to steal her purse. FML
Today, I was walking my dog when a lady approached me, commented how beautiful she was, and asked to pet her. I obliged and next thing I knew I was pushed to the ground and maced. She made off with my dog. The police is unable to locate them. FML
Today, I went to pick up my dog from the dog sitter I'd left him with while I was on vacation. When I arrived at her house to pick him up, she said, "I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about." and threatened to call the cops if I didn’t "leave her premises for trespassing." FML
Today, I got caught trying to steal my own cat back from my neighbor. FML
Today, I took my dog for a walk. He became friendly with another dog, and I reached down to pet them both. Suddenly, an old woman ran up to me and whacked me with her cane repeatedly. Apparently, her previous dog had been kidnapped by a woman who looked a lot like me. FML
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Top comments
Mirorbo 27
No good deed goes unpunished, darling. That's why I'm a criminal now.
r6_fml 4
What?! You relieved yourself on a dog?! Well that's just wrong....
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Comments (62)
syedlink27 0
btw I think it's so funny how people correct each other's grammar.. ..as if it were the end of the world...!! come on people.. Seriously!?!?!?!
Telinaa 0
Good grammar is important.
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
More significantly, it's important to the site staff. I know they often appreciate users pointing out typos in their published stories, since it makes the site and them look more professional. They try to proofread before publication, but they're only human and miss the occasional one. Not all of the mods are native English speakers, either, so minor mistakes (like "it's" for "its") are understandable. They'll often correct mistakes that affect the meaning of the FML once they're made aware of them. This one's so minor, though, that it might not warrant the bother. Besides, some of us are just language lovers, so discussing grammar is fun. :]
Jimboom 12
Trying to relieve a dog hey? Red rocket, Red Rocket!
Kanvis78 0
Sorry 21, you got punked by your own statement.
awilso13 8
I also find that funny. instead of sticking to the topic of the fml lets just correct each others grammar lol. (sarcasm obviously)
awilso13 8
9/23/10 11:35 it's clearly 5am right now where I'm from. WTF is this site talkin about?
raineydayes 0
Hmmm, I don't know. Maybe a different time zone??
pandemic_fml 0
This made my day. :)
cole86 0
you know all
Igor_g5 0
Why were you trying to relieve the dog? There's laws against ***********. Besides that's just sick. Find yourself a man and leave the dogs alone.
bigredmonkeybutt 30
WTF are you doing with someone else's dog? Didn't occur to you to yell something like, "This dog's choking!"? I'd have called the cops on you too.
maty172 14
wtf!
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
*waves at mercy* Gotta watch those sneaky homosexuals. Sources say Lady Gaga's meat dress was the signal they were waiting for to rain hell upon the militant vegans.