Today, I was told by my girlfriend that in the thralls of my drunken haze last night, I tried to French-kiss her mom. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML
Today, I was cuddling up on the couch with my girlfriend, when my drunken mother walked in the room, slurred out, "Room for one more?" and leaped on top of us. FML
Today, my mom came home, shitfaced drunk. She thought I was my dad and gave me a forceful kiss, with a lot of tongue. She then pulled away, stared at me, screamed in horror, and spewed all over me. I puked too. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's mom. She went on about how my girlfriend's dad is a no good drunk, following this statement with spilling her fifth glass of wine. FML
Today, I was woken up by my drunk girlfriend calling me and saying how much she loves me. She then stopped to tell the guy she was in bed with to be quiet because I might hear him. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML
Today, after a long time convincing my parents that my boyfriend is really a good guy, not only did he decide to come by the house completely drunk, but he also ended up trying to kiss my mom, thinking it was me. FML
Today, my wife got so drunk she kissed another guy when the ball dropped. FML
Today, I went out with a girl who I really love. We arrived to her house and before she got out of the car, I attempted to kiss her as planned. Still drunk, I grabbed her head and twisted it when I kissed her. She's now wearing a neck brace. Real smooth. FML
Today, I was cuddling in bed with my girlfriend after a night of heavy drinking. She rolled towards me, looked me in the eyes and sweetly said, "I love you". Her morning breath was so bad that I had to jump up and rush to the bathroom to vomit, leaving a trail along the way. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
geepc 3
haha oh dear OP.. maybe ease off on the alcohol if you can't handle it to prevent future embarrassment?
DncrHap 9
pssh. what's the problem? two girls with one bone!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (71)
RHCP12 0
Come and knock on our door....
snoot 0
okay....
oliveindamiddle 0
threes company reference? :D
sarabraun8 7
nice one
Kiyoha 0
Um, if you can't handle alcohol and/or are stupid enough to drink too much, you totally deserved it.
marriiee_fml 0
I hear she's good with them soft lips.
joooeee 3
Does anyone know what the square root of 69 is?
Doortje 30
8 something.
girlslikeguys 0
right ;)
zacharytk72 5
you're stupid lol
justnbieber 0
haha nasty.
FMLouis 6
You would think so Justin...
orly33 0
Lol.
waterpolohezy 6
Ok so here's the run down just in case anybody didn't already realize this... Any FML dealing with drunkenness or one night stands=automatic YDI or DUI. Take your pick. But really wise up and learn some limits people
boopityboppity 11
Yeah. If you get drunk, expect bad things to happen.
momo1972 3
is she MILF?
maybaybe 0
Go easy on the alcohol if you want to stay with your girlfriend, OP.
perdix 31
Or go hard on the alcohol and become his girlfriend's step-dad. Rawr!
soldier4life_88 0
ha ha yes!!!