Today, I was painting my bedroom walls, when I was struck with an uncontrollable bout of diarrhea. I had to watch helplessly from the en-suite bathroom as my 2 year old daughter painted a lovely picture for me, all over my new $500 sofa. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I painted my daughter's room with the new paint we bought. It's an oil-based paint which hides all blemishes on the wall, but apparently makes me sick. I'm now throwing up everywhere, but at least the room looks good. FML
Today, I have horrible morning sickness. I was helping my daughter fingerpaint, when suddenly the smell of the paint set my stomach off. I threw up all over myself and her painting. FML
Today, I went to check on my 2 year-old daughter in her playroom, since she was being awfully quiet. I walk in to see her finger painting with her own feces on her kiddie table. FML
Today, I had to listen to my daughter’s explosive diarrhea while I watched TV. When she came out of the bathroom, she went white as a sheet. Apparently she thought she was alone. FML
Today, I finished painting my living room. I had to leave the house in a rush. When I got home, I found smears of paint all around and the carpet crusted with paint that had dried. My cat had rubbed up against the walls and tracked it around. FML
Today, while I was painting, my little nephew came in and started watching me. I left to clean my brushes. When I came back into the room, my nephew had spilled paint all over the carpet making a rainbow. It took me 5 hours to clean it up. FML
Today, I babysat my niece and thought a quick shower would be fine. I left her watching cartoons with a blanket and returned to find she’d used washable paints on the carpet and her hands, leaving tiny colorful footprints to the couch. Her proud smile made me forgive the mess, but I spent the evening scrubbing. FML
Today, I painted my daughter's bedroom. When I wasn't paying attention, the cat walked through the paint tray. There are now Barney purple paw prints all over the house. FML
Today, I had to clean up after the kid who discovered he could finger paint with his poo. FML
Today, while painting a wall, I handed a bucket of paint up to my friend who was standing on the top rung of a ladder. She said she felt dizzy, and came crashing down on me, along with the paint on my head. FML
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Top comments
jen993 0
and you couldn't yell out to stop ?!?!
Rebe_fml 4
ahhh Poocasso strikes again!! paints while you helplessly sit on the toilet taking a dump.
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Comments (155)
borkchop1992 15
500$ shit nicee
sweetonsno 1
Sorry about the collywobbles, but if your only "keep my child safe and out of trouble around poisonous and destructive stuff" technique was being within touching distance, it could have been a lot worse. What if she had started to put it in her mouth? Be careful; there's more to lose than a sofa.
xgetxbentx 13
...didn't you yell at her to stop?
jinxthejinx 0
That's when you take the kid with you, close the door, and let her safely annoy you within the confines of the bathroom as you poop.
alexFYL 11
Punish her with your stench!
bassdredd 2
WTF? "used painting"? what does that even mean?
alissa_roar 6
Actually it was "used painted". She obviously decided to change the remainder of the sentence and forgot to delete "used".
RockstarRN 10
That really sucks! Couch cover? I'm sorry :(
andrewb261 0
Derp. 00
Clare420 0
just be glad she didn't drink the paint??
Nimmrodel 11
That's genius
duravian 1
am I the only one who found this eligible?