Today, I was going to give my baby daughter an empty Pringles tin to play with on the floor. I saw some crumbs at the bottom, so I emptied the can in my mouth before I gave it to her. I crunched hard and spat them out, realizing my boyfriend had just cut his toenails into the can. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I dropped some food on the floor and picked it back up, took a bite, and quickly realised it had toenail cuttings in it. I never cut my toenails in my dining room. FML
Today, I went out for a smoke before dinner. I glanced through the window only to see my husband take my cooking scissors, cut his toe nails and then put them back in the utensils canister without washing them. FML
Today, while I was babysitting, the toddler was feeding me banana slices from her tray while I was cutting up clay for her to mold. It was all fine until she shoved something hard and crunchy into my mouth. I immediately spat it out into my hand. It was a dead cricket she found on the floor. FML
Today, my friend had a Coke can on his desk in class. It was empty but I was thirsty so I picked it up thinking I could try to get that little bit of Coke always left at the bottom. When I took a sip I found out he had been picking his fingernails and putting them in the can. FML
Today, while I was eating, my younger sister came over and sat beside me. She started clipping her toenails. Disgusted by it, I turned and opened my mouth to tell her to move somewhere else, just as one flew inside my mouth. FML
Today, less than a week after moving in together, I decided to clean out my husband's messy room. In the process, I found a jar containing what appears to be a toenail collection. I don't think I'll ever regain my appetite. FML
Today, my 2 year-old had a large booger blocking his nose so I pulled it out. I was on the phone and absentmindedly rolling it around between my thumb and pointer finger. I put it in my mouth and crushed it between my teeth for a solid minute before I remembered what it was. FML
Today, I was laying on the couch, listening to music. I guess my brother noticed that I was yawning a lot, because when I opened my mouth and yawned again, he dropped one of his rancid toenail clippings into my mouth, then broke into hysterical laughter at my freaking out. FML
Today, I was eating some cake that my roommate's girlfriend brought by for us. I felt something weird in my mouth, so I stopped chewing to grab it. It was a fingernail. FML
Today, I was eating a bag of chips when one of the pieces broke off into a sharp point and when I chewed it, it stabbed into my gums. When I got up to wash the blood out of my mouth, I hit my big toe on my desk corner. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
crazy4books23 13
Weird, I accidentally had toenails in my mouth once too. I feel your pain OP.
ninjuh_wingman 29
A Pringles tin is like the best toy ever besides the ever popular cardboard box.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (117)
CuriousAlien 7
That would make me want to check every other food in the cabinet that looks almost empty. If you tried to get the taste out of your mouth, be careful to drink in any can nearby.
dangousity 21
Lazy Bf... Hint hint
CrissyyyS2 22
I've had my toenails in my mouth once upon a time...
stax23 5
I just vomited on my mouth.
akhik92 1
Thats what is called gross
buckdharma 38
Are you sure they weren't FUNGIyuns ?
cstrife7 4
At least he didn't leave the clippings on the floor
StuckInThe90s 6
UNFORGIVABLE
SanaSazi 32
In the hand then the mouth. Less hard than toenails
Alliente 9
Oh, God. Who empties their toenails into empty food container?? That's like throwing up in a cereal box and leaving it on the counter!