Today, I was driving when a guy in a truck swerved in front of me. I didn't realize I'd sworn until I'd come to a red light and my one year old daughter yelled her own version of what I said. She now yells "Chicken in the hole!" whenever the car comes to a stop. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took my 15 year-old daughter driving. I yelled at her for not going safely around corners. On the way home, while demonstrating how to drive right, I went around a corner and hit a cement truck. FML
Today, I was driving my twin daughters to school, when I accidentally honked my horn. I told them it was an accident, then one of my kids said she already knew, because I didn't yell "ASSHOLE!" afterwards. FML
Today, I was teaching my daughter how to drive. We were passing by a merge lane; I told her to slow down and let a green car merge in front of us. She said, "Fuck the green car" and sped up, colliding with it. Apparently she didn't know that would happen. FML
Today, I was in the car with my daughter when I narrowly missed hitting a car after running a stop sign. After she screamed at me and demanded to know what I was doing, I had to admit that I'd been daydreaming about David Bowie. FML
Today, I was driving in my very own car that I bought and paid for myself, when I stopped at a stop light. Then I noticed the truck in front of me turn on his reverse lights. I honked desperately. He hits me, looks out the window and says, "I see no damage" and drives away. FML
Today, while driving to my daughter's wedding, the person behind us kept laying on her horn and yelling every time I stopped for a red light. That person was my wife. Sadly I'm too whipped to stand up to her and spent the whole drive pretending not to hear my passengers snickering at me. FML
Today, I was driving my 7-year-old daughter to school, when out of nowhere a bird smashed into the windshield. Instead of screaming or being traumatized by the gore like me, my daughter started laughing, eventually calling the bird a "stupid bastard". FML
Today, while driving home from work, I noticed the driver next to me was happily chatting on her phone. I fucking despise these would-be murderers, so I slammed my horn to signal my disgust. She panicked and swerved straight into my car. FML
Today, while driving to my girlfriend's house, I passed up a stop sign without stopping. A car passing by honked. I honked back several times and flipped them the finger. Turns out it was my girlfriend's dad trying to say hi. FML
Today, my wife came home and said, "Before you go into the garage, let me tell you what happened…" She was stopped at a traffic light and when it turned green, she stepped on the gas, but the truck in front of her didn't. The grill was smashed and the car has a 3-inch hole in the bumper. FML
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Top comments
JustinThunder 8
******' Asshole?
rebekahah 7
77- you misspelled *smart. Ironic?
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Comments (104)
Zebidee 9
My best guess is "Frickin' A-hole". If that's right, learn to swear better - you don't want your kid getting beaten up in kindergarten for swearing like a pussy.
sinningkitten 2
LMFAO!! at least she's not repeating verbatim. my grandma did that in front of me when I was three- in Italian no less- and the next time got cut off, I took the liberty of using the Italian F-bomb.
rodriguezequal 0
Sure...my one year old talks in full sentences too.
iammestaman 0
**** in the ass?
zeroxbitch 0
ok was a bit confused cuz what exactly does the phrase "Chicken in the Hole" mean????
Mythicleb 0
that is so cute
psycho456 0
chicken shit ass hole?
OfficeNinja 5
better that than what you really said. and now you have an inside joke going on with your kid! someone pisses you off, say "chicken in the hole" and your kid can repeat it. nobody will catch on.
SydneyG 0
Yeah, my little sister does the 'Damn it! Stupid tv!' whenever the tv is shut off.. then she storms away
GoArmy6624 7
like me: "I falcon hate you!" haha