Today, I was down the pub with a mate and we got onto the subject of bar fights. I said I thought being glassed wouldn't actually hurt that much. My friend looks at me, calmly finishes his pint and then swiftly smashes his glass over my head. Turns out I was wrong. And we got kicked out. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to my favorite bar after work for a drink. On my way to the porch out back, I didn't realize the sliding glass door was shut, and walked straight into it. I was stone cold sober, but the bartender refused to believe me, and cut me off before my first beer. FML
Today, while at a local bar, my friends and I were approached by an overly intoxicated man who asked us each politely if we wanted to fight. Thinking it was a joke, I said yes. It wasn't a joke, I now have a broken nose and a black eye. FML
Today, my friend got drunk. We tried to get him into a cab, he punched me in the face, three chavs then accosted me, accusing me of trying to mug him. I was then beaten up by said chavs and then the police charged me for being drunk and disorderly. FML
Today, I was out having a beer with a few friends. After getting a pint, I slipped in a puddle of beer, fell on top of a stranger on the sofa, and knocked my beer upside down on my head. Then, completely soaked, I realized I'd also knocked over the table, spilling its content on a poor girl across it. FML
Today, I was out clubbing, when some bloke at the bar started trying to pick fights with everyone. Trying to defuse the situation with humour, I said, "I used to be a tough guy like you. Then I took an arrow in the knee." The next thing I know, I have a broken nose. FML
Today, at a house party someone smashed and spilled their drink. In my own drunken state, I decided to get the mop as someone might fall. I then fell over it and ended up with glass in my side. FML
Today, I went to the bar I've always gone to after work for the past 12 years. On arrival, I got banned for life, punched in the nose and thrown out. The barmaid comes out and says, "Sorry, wrong guy." FML
Today, my friend dared me to break a liquor bottle on my head. I slammed it into my head so hard I got dizzy, then did it a SECOND time and knocked myself out so hard that I pissed and shat myself. My head hurts really badly. FML
Today, whilst presenting a report to the head of my college, I was arrested by a police officer for assault. I was in a bar the night before and accidentally bumped into a local tough guy on the way to the toilet. I got punched in the face. The witnesses got our names mixed up. That'll look great on my CV. FML
Today, my friends showed me a video of me blind drunk last night, getting into a fight with my front door. The door won, unlike my face. FML
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Top comments
mhm_megann 0
i woleheartedly enjoyed how english that fml was!
xd0rkiee 0
Why would you even think that? Yes, pieces of glass flying onto you and cutting your face TOTALLY does not hurt.
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Comments (99)
snafu57 1
ridiculous thoughts come to mind when you're drunk. secret is to keep your mouth from using them. ydi=you dumb idiot.
mrdecay 3
haha only in britain
schwinn11 0
dude, this is awesome, there's no better way to show someone how much you value their friendship.
nuked 0
So he is your mate AND your friend? Dude, don't **** your friends!
OrangeCrayon 0
Ok, you're clearly not British A mate, in Britain, is another word for a friend.
nuked 0
Lol, how do you not detect the sarcasm? (And 'mate' is NOT another word for 'friend', just because some idiots started using it like that, it cannot really change the ORIGINAL definition.)
Flamersplamer 0
friend; buddy; pal (often used as an informal term of address): Let me give you a hand with that, mate.
penizulaface 0
you're essentially saying that anyone who uses slangca is retarded. try and insult the brits as much as you want; but the rest of the world really does hate america and completely understands its idiotic arrogance and pure ignorance. youre all retarded. well, those like you that think your country is most definitely better than all others.
lilah09 0
youre an idiot, people have been doing it for centuries. america is not the centre of the world, nor the english speaking language
polico_wolf 0
that IS the original definition. (btw you cannot troll me because I'll never look at the comments page on this fml ever again)
PL0WW 20
Good lad, pretty much summed up what I was gonna say, mate.
musicislife1995_fml 0
sharp shards of glass flying into your skin and making you bleed doesn't hurt, of course not... you're totally right.
snafu57 1
I hope you're picking slivers for many nights to come.
lilah09 0
was talking to nuked btw
nuked 0
Then you're the idiot for thinking I am an American.
Person1233 13
Because most Americans will never leave the life of luxury they live, and feel it unnecessary to understand the rest of the world, ****.
me199 0
Why would you think that wouldnt hurt
CheshireHalli 19
I'm American and I don't think like that. =/ And anther thing: America's not the only one that has a lot of self-entitled people in it, but we're the ones that take the brunt for it. I mean, I know we have some, but nobody rags on other countries for the same thing. @_@