Today, I was cleaning mouse remains from the kitchen floor, left by my cat. I found a small round thing nearby. With no idea what it was, I picked it up and gave it a little squeeze to see if it was solid. It wasn't, and burst with great force onto my face. I'm pretty sure it was an eye. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up to my cat slowly dragging her paw across my face. I opened my eyes to see a bloody mouse dangling an inch from my face. It was still twitching. FML
Today, I was eating a donut and watching TV with my cat. I saw a dark glob on my shirt and ate it, thinking it was dropped icing. It was my cat's earwax. Disgusted, I ran to the bathroom and tried to rinse with hydrogen peroxide. I sprayed it in my eye. FML
Today, I reached to pick out a booger stuck in my nose that had been irritating me, and ended up poking myself in the eye. FML
Today, my cat was looking a little peaky. After craning my neck to check for lumps under his chin, he felt this was the perfect time to throw up a half-digested mouse onto my face. FML
Today, I tried to blink out a small speck of dirt that was caught in my eye. Instead, I learned what it feels like to suffocate a small, angry spider with your eyelid. FML
Today, I was picking my nose so aggressively that I flicked a booger right into my eye. FML
Today, my cat ran outside. As I ran around the side of my house to get her, I felt a gigantic spiderweb land on my face. I also felt a light thud on my eye and it started to tear up. I ran inside and looked in a mirror, the spider was in my eye. FML
Today, I was sitting on my couch when I felt something weird underneath me. I got up, thinking I'd sat on my phone or something. Wrong. I'd sat on a live mouse. FML
Today, I was walking through my house when I noticed bits of plaster falling from the ceiling. Against all logic, I looked up, receiving a fragment directly in the eyeball. FML
Today, my cat sneezed directly into my open eyeball. FML
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Top comments
sushi_samurai 3
Warning: lame joke below. That mouse has his eye on you...
nancem 7
Evidently fear is not a factor for you!
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Comments (149)
tomtato 10
what a great eye dear!
fthislyfe 22
Oh my God I think I just puked a little...
FeroniaMoonscyth 2
One time my DOG brought in a dead baby bird. The *dog*! (A retriever breed). And my fiance's miniature schnauzers were mutilating a bird once too.
hydeiken 0
Mmm....eyeball juice
fangz_fml 6
Hahahahaha, why did you picked it up?? That was grows anyway!!
Grouse 5
Nom nom nom nom...
toricakes 7
It could be worse I guess
paranormalacts 2
hey my dog kills mice too. one day i woke and the mouse was sputtering blood out of itsmouse
Fulldemonstorm 10
eww
JinxosGirl87 0
Your cat is apart of the Mafia!