Today, I was carefully drawing blood from a drunk who'd threatened to kill me if I hurt him, when another drunk behind me decided to take a piss on my leg. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while I was waiting at a red light, a drunk guy limped in front of my car, unzipped, and started pissing on my windshield. FML
Today, a drunk in a wheelchair tried to fight me. I walked away as he kept hurling insults. He then rammed his chair into my legs, making me fall. I walked away again. Upon the second time, I got up and punched him dead in his face, knocking him backward. I was tackled to the ground for hitting him. FML
Today, I was peeing in a urinal at a bar. A drunk guy comes in, and seeing no urinals open, he decides to pee between my legs from behind me. He didn't have good aim. FML
Today, while volunteering to feed the homeless, one of them asked me to follow him to his car where he had a knife and bottle so he could "bottle up my blood". FML
Today, I saw an old homeless man who had just fallen down due to his drinking. Everyone laughed at him, but I felt bad, so I went to help him up. My reward? A quick punch in the face, landing me in the hospital. FML
Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me for a glass of water, and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML
Today, I was at a concert and a man came up behind and started to grind me. I pushed him away. He came back and pissed on my leg. FML
Today, I was so parched I had to take way too long at the water fountain. I was drinking for so long a line started to form. As I finished my drink, the guy behind me puked on my back. FML
Today, I was drunk and broke my leg. I called 911, only for the cops to turn up and make me try to walk, with them saying that I was faking my injury. They arrested me for being drunk in public and hours later I finally got to an ER. I had to have surgery on my leg. FML
Today, I fainted. Instead of stopping to help, some guy stopped to draw a penis on my forehead. The EMT laughed. FML
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Top comments
sansteth94 0
tell him to PISS off...your leg lol
mfmylifesrsly 30
What the world doesn't need is your lack of spelling and grammar.
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Comments (203)
lmaoatall 6
that's it, if my life depends on it, I will refuse a transfusion. if the red cross is that desperate for donors to hit up skidrow, I'd rather bleed out. you can bet you'll get hep!
MizzErikaHart 8
I'm sure op was just drawing blood for vitals. I don't think u can be intoxicated and donate blood/plasma...maybe but I kno for sure if u get a tattoo u can't donate plasma for 6 months
InnocentLies 0
... Ohhh I get it Erika was trying to make the joke funnier by making it seem like she didn't get it! Hahahahahahahahahahahahhahahajahahahahahahahah. (:
larnee 0
obviously this person works at a hospital? bad luck OP, fyl
Sirin_fml 47
Right, but don't expect many people to exercise that sort of logical thinking. :-)
ugliness 6
it honestly wasn't that hard to realise it, 2 seconds to think it was one of those vans that take care of drunks, half a second to realise op wasn't in the uk to disprove my theory and then a simple logical leap to nurse/doctor
fightin4fun 0
you should re-word that so it's easier to follow…
misssarahfina 0
ya
Miss_Michaela 10
Paramedic or someone drawing blood from a guy who is intoxicated. The drunk guy is saying 'Hurt me, I'll do you' or whatever. So, he's got to take this guys blood without hurting him whilst being pissed on by some other douche who must have mistaken him as a urinal. Yeah, not the best written FML but you can get your head around it.
ugliness 6
yeah, average day in the uk for the nhs. it must not be that common In the USA :/
ugliness 6
I don't see why it's bad, it might be necesary to obtain accurate alcohol levels to see If treatment is needed
DocBastard 40
Why are you people saying stuff about OP working in healthcare? He's obviously a vampire who enjoys feeding on sots. Listen Lestat, there are easier ways to get drunk. Just buy some booze. Idiot.
Miss_Michaela 10
Then Blade comes around the corner with his Samurai Sword, and owns him. Wesley Snipes 1 Tom Cruise 0.
sgtrobswifey 0
Sigh.. that is until the IRS comes for Snipes. IRS 1 Snipes 0
TrueStory22 0
LOL 102 winning
shadow33456 1
did he kill you?
zimandme123 0
well, let's think about that like we stopped and thought when we watched Dora when we were two,,,, let's see, if he killed her, she wouldnt be on her phone (ør computer) right now, she would be at the hospital... probably about to die, and I don't think they let you write fmls when your about to die... :/ now does that make sense?????????? x)
tjsomethin 9
Obviously we have a cannibal in Lincoln Park
Kyze_Ninja 10
8 Mile is a great movie
zimandme123 0
haha lol! that's hilarious!!!
sunshine_today23 0
bahahahaha. Antoine Dodson is THE BEST.
diehlx3 0
god wat a bitch sorry honey