Today, I was buying condoms but was a little embarrassed so I went to the self-check. I scanned the condoms, then a magazine and tried to put the condoms under the magazines to hide them. The store guy saw me, thought I was shoplifting and I was kicked out of the store. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, the self-checkout machine at the grocery store kept yelling, “PLEASE PLACE ITEM IN BAGGING AREA” while I frantically tried to scan everything. An employee came over and said a bit too loudly, “Ma’am, you have to scan the condoms before bagging them.” Of course there were people around to giggle. FML
Today, I went out to buy a bottle of wine and some condoms. As the cashier scanned the condoms, she snickered and muttered, "Yeah right." She was right; I really was just desperate to look like I have a sex life. I got so upset that I left my items and walked out with tears in my eyes. FML
Today, I went to the drug store to pick up a few things. After looking for condoms for 15 minutes, I asked the cashier where I could find them. She said they keep them behind the counter due to theft. She refused to sell them to me, because they're for customers who might actually need them. FML
Today, I nervously went to the store to buy condoms for the first time. I felt like everything was going well, and checked out happily. As I was walking out, the cashier lady said to the woman next in line, "He thinks he's going to need condoms." They both looked at me and started laughing. FML
Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms. I couldn't find them anywhere, so I nervously asked a staff member for help. She scowled, pointed at the shelf directly behind me, and told me to, "Get a life. Or better pick-up lines." I'll never live down the snickers from the other customers. FML
Today, I was shopping with my husband. At the self-checkout, one of the items I was buying for him as a gift didn’t register. As we were walking out, I get stopped and escorted to the loss prevention office, where I was accused of stealing. FML
Today, I realized I'd lost my wallet when paying for groceries. I had to put all the items back and leave the store feeling so embarrassed in front of everyone. FML
Today, I bought a box of tampons and went to the store restroom to insert one. I then put the box inside my purse. On my way out, I got stopped by security, who yelled at me to empty my purse. He grabbed my bag, spilling the tampons everywhere. Apparently, he thought I was stealing. FML
Today, I went to the store, but after I'd selected my items, I saw that I'd forgotten my wallet. When I tried to explain to the cashier, he thought that I was trying to steal and called the cops. My roommate had to come to the store to save me. FML
Today, at a self-checkout, I scanned all my items, bagged them, and left. Only when I got outside did I realize I had completely forgotten to pay. I then noticed that security was running to stop me, and I had to explain that I wasn’t a thief, just an idiot. FML
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Top comments
KBurns207 17
Dude if you're too embarrassed to just buy some condoms, you're probably too young. Just man up and buy them... Sorry but YDI man.
doodieman 9
If you scanned them, couldn't he just look at the screen?
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Comments (148)
swedeNix 13
Never be ashamed that ur thinking of safety!!
swedeNix 13
Read some comments, anyone noted that OP got a female signature????
EnjoiChocolate 9
I use one mobile FML app that doesn't actually show gender symbols. I just check the comments if I get curious on the gender (which I don't). From what I know, most FML apps do show the gender icon though.
panicxgirl 12
There's nothing embarrassing about safe sex. But if you're really embarrassed, buy a birthday card and say they're a gag gift.
dermor 3
why buy them? So many places give them out for free, go into a health clinic and ask for a bag of them. Once you're able to actually buy them without feeling embarrassed then you can go into the store and buy the fun ones that glow in the dark or get hotter or colder as you get going.
rickyblair 16
Why are people so embarrassed to buy condoms? Everyone has sex, and cashier's don't give a ****. I bought some for a joke and my friend made a big deal on the way to the counter, the moment we got there the cashier's like, "I probably wouldn't have even noticed you were buying condoms if you'd just been normal. I scan stuff all day, I don't care."
Jordan96parker 8
haha! I approved this Fml. :) you're welcome.
Omniprism 15
Don't be embarrassed. Think of how girls feel when we have to buy tampons. Just think of it this way... At least your having sex and that's awesome. Next time just smile the whole time like you've got a dirty little secret. Sides the checker scans a million things a day. They shouldn't care what you get.
Stella836475 7
Dude it's just condoms. You shouldn't be embarrassed, you should be PROUD because you're getting laid! Plus you're being safe about sex! So grow some balls the next time you buy condoms.
AGuyNamedI 7
I agree with #95. Make a scene. Show the world you're being safe, and damn well proud of it. Besides, get his ass to buy them if you're worried. Why are you buying the willy wrap?