Today, I was brushing my teeth when I looked up. There was a huge scorpion dangling on the air vent above my head. I was trapped in the bathroom for over an hour trying to build the courage to run out. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I saw a big, black spider on the floor of my bathroom. I promptly jumped up on the toilet seat, slipped off, and slammed my head against the wall. The best part? It was a tuft of my hair. FML
Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML
Today, I went through the nightmare of having to go to my doctor so he could remove a living spider from my nasal cavity. FML
Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML
Today, a spider crawled across my arm. After a quick dance in a fit of panic, I managed to scramble onto my bed. I thought I would stand up to see if I could spot the spider and maybe kill it. I was then promptly knocked unconscious by my ceiling fan. FML
Today, I was taking a shower when I noticed the huge spider above my head. Now, being the smart person I am, I sprayed the water up at it, causing it to fall. Right on my face. FML
Today, I was sitting under a rather large house plant in my dining room, minding my own business when a spider lowered itself right in front of my face. It startled me, causing me to gasp, which resulted in me inhaling the spider. I then spent 3 minutes choking on it. FML
Today, while showering at my boyfriend's house early this morning, I saw a huge black spider on the wall. I'm allergic to spiders, so in my disorientation I ran out of the shower screaming, slipped, sprained my wrist, and bruised my tailbone. Turns out the spider was a clump of hair. My hair. FML
Today, while taking a shower, a spider fell from the ceiling onto my foot. I took down my shower head to wash it down the drain, and in the process, got soap in my eye and rammed my head into the wall. FML
Today, I was washing my hands in the bathroom when I looked up and saw a spider on my cheek. Panicking, I slapped myself in the face as hard as I could to kill it. Turns out the spider was on the mirror. FML
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Top comments
Brannie 4
It's not like if it was gonna yell "get over here!" and spear you back to him if you tried to make a run for it.
MURIKKA 11
At least you weren't taking a shit.... That would've REALLY sucked
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Comments (167)
MURIKKA 11
At least you weren't taking a shit.... That would've REALLY sucked
everydayFML2121 5
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
That would have been a really shitty situation Well that situation would have just gone right down the drain Yeah I bet that situation would have scared op shitless I hate stupid poo jokes... Well atleast op wouldn't have to worry about ******** them self at that point.
hockeyoceancity 13
That's why you carry your 9mm with you!
margokle 1
Imagine what he uses on the neighbor's dog if it takes a shit in their yard
porp1 4
The bigger the scorpion, the less poison, but scarier is the huge ******.
airforce987 20
I would've gotten the hell out of that bathroom in about 0.2 milliseconds
_Oblivion_ 12
That would be a sh- *tackled to ground*
doctorhook86 25
Come live in Canada! There's no scorpions where I live, but you do have to deal with the occasional caribou or moose dangling from the air vent over your head while you brush your teeth.
DomDomxoxo 16
71: that happened to me last week!
Zachthejoker 10
If they were takin a shit, yes it would suck, yet it would be convenient nevertheless.
_streets_ 19
71- And beavers.
s15c 9
I got bitten by a black widow while taking a crap. It was unpleasant.
doctorhook86 25
88: Can't honestly say I've ever had any problems with beaver in my bathroom lol
SonOfAMitch 14
71 - No scorpions here in Australia either! You just have to be careful of the kangaroos and koalas coming out of your air vent and sink :(
Mauskau 36
Ah England.. The worst we get is a house spider.
nikininja 4
117- What part of Australia do you live in? Scorpions are rather common here in the northern states. The southern states I'm not too sure about...
disengaged 6
Yeah I keep finding the ******* in my living room and I'm in the south west of Aus
jellycorn 13
No, no. You really have to watch out for the goannas in the air vents. Those things look cute until they fight you for the toilet.
Link5794 18
As for being outside, you have the stonefish and blue-ringed octopus, deadly snakes and spiders, and exploding trees.
_streets_ 19
115- Maybe its just me then...Edmonton is a weird place.
doctorhook86 25
149: Truly is, fellow E-towner.
JadeWinter 16
Scary :|
DracoSpirita 21
No, joyful. OP loves scorpions.
zachherbert 10
OP's a scorpion whisperer.
JKr3slEMO 5
Duck face...
leogirl95 12
It took you over an hour to get the hell out?? What the hell? I would have ran out of there as soon as I saw that thing!!
JKr3slEMO 5
47-sorry I had to say it but I like ur hair:D
TheStoryOfWazza 9
Like your face
efemel94 7
Funnily enough, larger scorpions are generally less dangerous. It's the small ones which are generally more deadly.
gr3enw1lly17 5
Super unbelievable
Brannie 4
It's not like if it was gonna yell "get over here!" and spear you back to him if you tried to make a run for it.
KeyboardWarrior 10
That was pretty funny to imagine.
spekledworf 18
OP will stand beneath it for an hour, but doesn't have the courage to run from it?
JohnnyPhoenix31 7
Mortal Kombat reference ftw
xDMACx12 7
Skarner
pinktierani 9
Clever. I'm shocked only one other person caught the Mortal Kombat reference.
ScottieJo 8
As soon as I read that comment I laughed so hard. Scorpion is my favourite character. That comment was such a win.
DocBastard 40
You should have gotten a tennis racquet or a stick or something and rocked him like a hurricane.
whatsup215 0
I don't know about you all, but I leave tennis racquets and sticks in my bathroom. Those damn scorpions, gotta stay prepared.
mikeymayhem_87 15
I have a baseball bat and a frying pan in my bathroom for the cold winter days when a mouse or bird tries to come thru the air vent to get warm
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Call Brandon Frasier! He's been against the scorpion king!
citymayer 7
Your movie references are awful...
Gladiator3003 3
I assume in the early morning whilst shouting out "Here I am!"?
FYLminerocks 7
I feel like the only person who gets this reference. Now I feel old.
capodanno 4
I get the reference but if you hit a scorpion you risk it being a mama scorpion with her brat pack riding along with her.
ant1078 7
Atleast it wasn't one of those camel spiders :p
flashback.miss 28
you just had to mention spiders, didn't you? XD but fyl, OP, just imagine youre in the bathoom and suddenly in the shouwer out comes a scorpion or a spider dangling, you blissfully unaware until you pull it from your hair. be glad something like that didn't happen to you....
everydayFML2121 5
I'm scared shitless of those ******* earwigs!! I find them in my bathroom all the time and I hate it
hockeyoceancity 13
I've never actually witnessed a camel spider in person but judged by videos of them.. beasts, i would cry and scream like a little girl.
GothicAngel17 24
Mother of god O.O I just googled that to see what you meant. I'm never going to sleep again.
idragosani 17
Camel spiders are actually relatively harmless. They look frightening, but are not venomous. And they aren't actually spiders :-)
hockeyoceancity 13
42- No shit they aren't! They are dinosaurs!!!!
thatKidzmOm 10
I'm so glad all I have to deal with in Louisiana are huge snakes and tiny poisonous brown spiders. (sarcasm) I hate this place!!! *shudders*
citymayer 7
I love Louisiana.. Cotton mouths, black widows, and all!
hockeyoceancity 13
90- That is because of your acid trip. :)
BunchieRules 31
18 - Camel crickets. They love livng in damp corners, such as showers. They're hard to kill because 1) They're huge and fast, 2) They are more likely to jump towards you than away from you, and 3) The only bugs that get rid of them are centipedes. TL;DR: Google is your friend.
Jiinxx 8
wait.... a scorpion? but, how? wha-I can't.
cotc 2
Be glad it was huge, the bigger they are the less dangerous their venom...
mccoole727 13
The little ones are the most dangerous!
GothicAngel17 24
^That's exactly what #10 just said.
Enslaved 38
I would think it would be the opposite but yep! the smaller ones are more venomous. 14, how's your cat now? Lol
GothicAngel17 24
Enslaved - She won't be having anymore "snacks", that's for certain lol! I don't know why that was removed either. But eh. On a related note, the same goes for spiders generally. At least it wasn't a huge ass spider though :| I'd find that more terrifying than any scorpion that's for sure.
Enslaved 38
It's a shame because that FML was funny and I recognized your name right away.(: I'm not afraid of spiders (have two huge banana one in my backyard as we speak). I was playing that "Draw Something" game and my word was "scorpion" so I looked at picture after picture so that I could copy the drawing. I was fascinate but I guess if it was live and dangling close to my face, I might be singing a different tune.:P
onlychildFTW 34
The smaller one or more deadly because they venom is more concentrated because there smaller.
winterbee123 9
#10- I was about to say the same thing! Haha Indiana Jones teaches you everything. :P
mango260 9
I wouldve died. That is scary I wouldn't want to come back inside my house at all.
hockeyoceancity 13
My next victim awaits me...Muhahaha! >:D
emilydotawesome 1
It's the small scorpions you should be afraid of. The smaller the scorpion, the more poisonous.
perdix 31
I'll bet your teeth are really, really clean now! Aren't your arms tired?
everydayFML2121 5
I'm sure op's teeth are very clean, but I think it's their pants that we have to worry about now.