Today, I was at my girlfriend's house for dinner. Her mom gave me some seasoned cauliflower, which I didn't like. Not wanting to dissapoint my girlfriend's mom, I slipped the cauliflower of my plate and gave it to their dog. It turns out cauliflower gives their dog explosive diarrhea. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. Dinner was going well until her dad secretly fed the asparagus to the dog under the table, and then "discovered" what a childish thing I had done. My girlfriend believed him. FML
Today, on the kitchen counter, there was a plate that had snacks on it. I decided to take a bite. I spat it out. Later on, my mother told me it was dog food. FML
Today, I was eating and my dog kept bothering me. She kept scratching my legs for food, so I took a large piece of fish from my plate and tossed it out into the hallway. It flew right into my mother's face. FML
Today, my mom cooked her dog some potatoes, carrots, beef, rice and peas. She cooks better food for her dog than she will for our family. FML
Today, I made popcorn shrimp. My dog was being a whiner so I gave her one of the shrimp. I guess she didn't like it because she hopped right back up and spat it out on my plate. FML
Today, my mom invited me over yet again so I could practice my culinary degree by making an exquisite, gourmet meal for her dog; a three year old Pomeranian who pees in my shoes. FML
Today, I went home for lunch. Upon opening the door, I smelled something horrid. My dog had opened his cage, eaten all the dog treats, and had diarrhea all over my bed and bedroom floor. FML
Today, I made dinner for myself after a long day full of annoying family drama. I had the pan sizzling away when I went to grab some herbs from the fridge. As I turned around, I tripped on the rug, sending the entire frying pan of food flying into the air. It landed directly in front of my never-endingly hungry dogs, so I watched as my ruined dinner disappeared. FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend feeds her boogers to our dog. Sometimes she even makes her do tricks for them. FML
Today, my boyfriend took me home to have dinner with his parents. I couldn’t eat a single bite after watching his mom let her three dogs taste all the food off her hands, while she also licked her own fingers while cooking. Later on, he dumped me for being rude and “too high maintenance." FML
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Top comments
your_face 15
You're too young/immature for a girlfriend. YDI. If you're that desperate to please her mom, just choke down the food, and ask for drink refills to wash it down.
Glam_fml 0
Just deny, deny, deny if they ask you about it. They can't pin it on you.
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Comments (95)
Angellopez951 0
ha ha ha hahahahahahaha!!! lol eeeww! hahaha
Vanita 1
YDI. Don't feed animals things if you don't know whether they can digest them or not. There are some things in our diets that can even be poisonous for pets. Eat it or explain yourself respectfully, but leave the dog alone.
Slappy_the_Ninja 0
Oh god, this is hilarious.
LilRunt 0
omg! this is freakin hilarious!
AudreyKHepburn 0
You Deserved It for not sucking it up and eating the Goddamn cauliflower.
HarroIAmBob 21
Why Did You capitalize the first three word of your sentence and the second to Last one?
you_and_me_fml 8
You could have said you don't like it, she would have understood. But now you made yourself look like an idiot AND gave the poor dog explosive diahreah ALL because you never learned to eat your vegtabels. Sick people in this world...
RatIsKing 0
WOOOOOAH!!!! tmi
PlasmaFox 0
Today, some jerk-off at my house didn't like the food I took time to prepare and season for his enjoyment. He fed it to my dog, and now my dog has explosive diarrhea. FML
hanajung19 0
lmaooooo! hahaha :D
kasumirock 13
So instead of being polite and eating it you poisoned the dog?
blarghimapirate 0
if the dog gets explosive diarrhea, why would she make that food? there is no guarantee that a piece wouldn't just fall on the floor and make her dog do the stanky leg