Today, I walked in on my dad's poker game. He didn't know I was there, and was telling his friends what he would do to my girlfriend if I wasn't dating her. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I walked in on my dad giving my mom a striptease. FML
Today, my girlfriend's parents walked in on us having sex. Not only did her dad make me walk out to my truck with no clothes on, he is my baseball coach and I will be seeing him on Monday. FML
Today, I decided to formally introduce my girlfriend to my parents. My dad took the opportunity to apologize for walking in on us a few days ago while we were having sex. It wasn't her. Thanks dad. FML
Today, my dad walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. His only reaction was to mutter, "Put some back into it, son." before awkwardly sidling out. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents. My dad thought it'd be hilarious to act surprised and ask me if I'd already dumped the girlfriend I introduced him to yesterday. She slapped me and stormed out of the house before my dad could tell her it was a joke. FML
Today, I had dinner at my girlfriend's house with her parents. Everything was going great, until after dinner when her dad pulled me aside and told me he'd heard us having sex. I was out of town all weekend for a baseball tournament. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom and dad. It wasn't my dad. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend home while my parents were at work, and things got a little heated. We lost track of time, because the next thing we knew, my dad burst into the living room. He doubled over laughing and asked how much I paid her. FML
Today, my dad called in a rage, saying he caught my "cheating whore" girlfriend at a bar on a date. I had to admit to him that she and I participate in a cuckold lifestyle. The sheer disgust and disappointment in his voice has been haunting me all day. FML
Today, I walked in on my parents having sex. In my room. FML
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Top comments
DerrickJames 33
Maybe he was bluffing?
Riya2595 15
You can use this against him later.
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Comments (50)
DerrickJames 33
Maybe he was bluffing?
itsmichellebitch 16
Bluffing with that great poker face.
Pleonasm 36
He said he would be "All in," and he even invited his poker friend over for a "three of a kind." His friend of course called him on that, and revealed that it was going to be a "full house" in her.
Ambient25 25
sounds like everyone has an Ace up their sleeves
Wizardo 34
Sounds like he was going to do a 'Royal Flush' in her. Sounds like OP got dealt a bad hand with his dad.
kriz_allizwell 6
Poker face. Poker face. He wanna poke her face.
SwaggCapone 11
^ No
TeddyBeaRx666x 3
haha thank you. Was thinking the same
football98_fml 20
well you are dating her, so guess you guys are both safe
feelingold 18
Ahem, what 40-50 year old man doesn't occasionally let his mind drift toward the babysitter/ son's girlfriend/ neighbor's daughter? Though discussing it showed a major lack of respect..
nurchok 15
On the other hand, he basically commented on her beauty. But I agree, FYL
pistachiopanda 19
Poker face like a champ!
jw90 18
Haha..awkward turtle
mixinitup 12
Cleveland: "That's just nasty"
Riya2595 15
You can use this against him later.
deepunder 17
Maybe he wants you to move out with her, instead of having a full house
mazzera_fml 7
Your dad's a donkey
robotiick7 23
For the people who thumbs him down and don't understand ass is another word for donkey so he just switched em
Pwn17 25
Ok, ass isn't such a bad word, but if he really wanted to get that point across without swearing, he should have used a synonym for the insult (like jerk or something). Calling someone a donkey is just... strange.
mazzera_fml 7
Actually its a poker term for a bad player
Pwn17 25
Oh.. Sorry, I'm not familiar with poker :p Well I feel stupid now.
Yellow_Fish79 11
Um... what.
Wizardo 34
OPs dad said he's going shag his sons gf, if she wasn't his gf. It clearly says this in the FML...
perdix 31
Poker?
perdix 31
#13, did I have to spell out "poke her?"
TheDrifter 24
Yup. Liquor in the front, poker in the rear.
perdix 31
#31, haha, that phrase crossed my mind, too, but I was gunning to post the Second-Best One-Word Comment of All-Time (imma let you finish). First place is a tie for every time that "YOLO" has been the perfect comment. :D
TheDrifter 24
Lofty goal, trying to beat out "ouch", "damn" and the venerable "ermahgerd".
perdix 31
#41, WTF is an abbreviation, not an acronym. I learned from the late, great George Carlin that an acronym is an abbreviation you can pronounce as a word. The way he put it was: "The IRS, CIA and FBI are not acronyms. They're just pricks." RIP, George!