Today I visited my boyfriend's house for Thanksgiving. The fast food from the drive made me really need to poop, so I did my business and flipped on the air vent. Turns out the vent sparked a hot spot in the attic and caused a fire. I literally set my boyfriend's house on fire with my shit. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I yelled at my boyfriend for smoking in the house, because I didn't want the house to smell like smoke. While doing so, I knocked over a candle and lit the couch on fire. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our anniversary. I had cooked him a romantic meal and we were planning on eating it in front of the fire. This would have gone great had I not forgotten to unblock the chimney. My entire basement filled with smoke and didn't clear for three hours. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML
Today, my boyfriend came home while I was making a snack in the kitchen. We started making out and he lifted me up and sat my ass on the hot stove. FML
Today, while at my boyfriend's house, my stomach began to hurt really badly, so I excused myself to take a shit. I let it all out. Later on, his dad went to the bathroom and yelled, "Goddamn son, what the hell did you do in here?!" FML
Today, I was in bed with the stomach flu. My boyfriend thought it would be funny to fart in the fan next to our bed, which caused me to vomit all over myself. FML
Today, at my boyfriend's brother's house, I desperately needed to poop. After finishing my business, I realized the toilet wouldn't flush. I had to pull my poop out, wrap it in TP and make an excuse to go outside to throw it in a bush. The neighbor was watching. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
Today, I wanted to take a romantic bath with my boyfriend. I set up the candles and hot water, but I had to take a dump. After my business was done, I called him into the bath. He walks in, sniffs, glances at the toilet and leaves. Guess what I forgot to flush. FML
Today, my dog apparently vomited straight down a heating vent while I was out. The stench was so bad that when I got home and the smell hit me, I threw up too. Looks like I'll be spending a few days with my mother as the house airs out. FML
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Top comments
siggy_mcsigx 22
This could have happened to anyone who used the bathroom vent. It isn't your fault their house has faulty wiring.
Wizardo 34
All the pimps in the crib drop it like its hot.
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Comments (40)
Iswear 4
Actuallly you literally didn't. The poop didn't set the fire so it's figurative
NuttyProfessor 7
You know this means that you are likely to marry him and the "Poop on Thanksgiving: How Mom set off a fire with the fan story" will become a classic entry into the family historical archives, living on in infamy. It will be told and retold, embellished, exaggerated, and never ever forgotten. It will be the thing you will be reminded of on the Holidays FOR THE REST OF YOUR DAYS ON EARTH.
RabbitOfAurora 28
If it wasn't you it would have been the next person by the sounds of it. Unless his family don't poop?
Bam6849 7
Your shit was literally fire
jessicasoho 13
You dropping heat had nothing to do with the fire. Ha. First, the fire was caused by the vent and as for number two... Ha. The wild card was the vent, but some deuces are wild... Omg I could keep going but I'll cut this short! lol
Juls464 10
You must have ate Wendys
Zebediabolical 45
Taco Bell
cootiequeen4444 11
fast food? on the way to Thanksgiving? Is your bf's family a bunch of vegans or something. I mean... even then... Thanksgiving is 80% sides and many are easily made vegan and still tasty.. Thanksgiving dinners tend to be really early too... like my family typically eats between 7 and 8 p.m, but Thanksgiving dinner starts at like 4 pm. So skipping lunch isn't typically a huge deal. In any case, I just understand the need for fast food on this particular day... Seems almost like blasphemy. you need to save room to engorge on as much turkey day foods as possible and then pass put on the couch afterwards.
Tsukiyomi 16
Quite the impressive skill you have there
daidax_238 26
I'm just trying to figure out why you had fast food on the way to thanksgiving. You know, where you usually eat turkey and a bunch of other stuff?
mfmylifesrsly 30
OP made the post the 21st, before Thanksgiving.
Talented73 54
That must have been some dump you took if it torched the whole house!