Today, I twisted my knee while cutting firewood with my grandpa. The pain was so crippling, I fell over screaming. His response? "Quit your bitching, I had my kneecaps blown off in Vietnam. They had to stitch 'em back on." He's never been to Vietnam, or even out of the country. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my uncle had a flashback to Vietnam. I'm now missing a tooth and have a cracked rib. FML
Today, while making small talk with a veteran, I made the mistake of using the phrase "Cost an arm and a leg". He was a double amputee. FML
Today, my great-grandfather had his arm blown off in the army and used the splintered bone to stab an enemy soldier, and got a goddamn medal for it, and yet I just watched my grown-ass son squealing like a bitch for over 10 minutes because he got a splinter in his toe. How far we’ve fallen. FML
Today, I came home from the army and explained to my family how tough it was there. Then, as I was walking away, I stubbed my toe on the couch, fell and cried. FML
Today, I went to visit my grandpa. He has an easily excited dog, who barreled into my freshly broken knee. I felt my knee move out of place again. The dog chipped a tooth. We went to the vet first. FML
Today, I slipped and fell down the stairs, landing hard on my knee. Through my screams of agony, my mom accused me of exaggerating the pain, and said I was just being an attention seeker, before finally taking me to hospital. I was told my leg was broken. She refused to apologize. FML
Today, my girlfriend, her grandma, and I were leaving her house to eat lunch. I stubbed my toe on the door while exiting. It hurt, so I stood there shortly in pain. I heard my girlfriend's grandma call me a "pansy". I later saw blood and took off my shoe. My whole toenail had come off of my big toe. FML
Today, my neighbor's dog bit me, it was extremely painful. The gash in my leg was deep and bleeding like crazy. When I finally got into my house screaming in agonizing pain, my mother said "Quit bitching, walk it off and you'll be fine." My leg is purple now. FML
Today, I was wrapping Christmas presents for my family. I got a huge paper cut on the webbing of my fingers, the pain of which caused me to scream out loud. My whole family heard and came rushing to my room. My grandma took one look, and scoffed, "Oh suck it the fuck up, princess." FML
Today, I cut down a dead tree in my yard. The top hit the ground and the base seesawed up in the air and came down on my head. I hit the ground like a sack of flour. Fortunately, the wood was rotted and soft. Unfortunately, the chainsaw was still running. 28 stitches in my calf. FML
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Top comments
vicfirthfan 11
that's what the government wants you to think
Tyrex26 6
I doubt one could stitch back on their kneecaps. That's not how legs work.
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Comments (88)
kred 21
Lol
vicfirthfan 11
that's what the government wants you to think
xChaos 29
Is that what happened to #1? Was he asking too many questions?
Meettitan 14
To shreds you say?
ThrottleJockey 36
Was his apartment rent controlled?
jake_braves 25
OP I've had that to me so many times! It's awful. You need to strengthen your knees. I'm sorry though, I feel your pain.
Lost_Gurl 7
well are you doing any better? that's what matters
booze_n_bitches 37
I'd prefer an update on this firewood. It won't chop itself.
Arestian 14
you either are pretty stupid or didn't understand this fml. Either ways that was a waste of a comment
CoolCookie210 22
Twisting your knee hurts like hell though, so it's still a valid concern
Its_Sinon 15
He might be trying to trick you, OP. Just ignore it, and honestly that shit hurts
jimmer23 21
I don't know your grandpa's name, I just know the sound he makes when he LIES!!!
The12thPaladin 8
What?
Obito_Uchiha651 17
Is this a reference to something or are you typing comments while you're drunk?
jimmer23 21
..sigh. It's tropic thunder, and the reference is exactly perfect. Watch a movie sometime.
PrincessZelda_HR 22
... Is that a popular movie? Not only have I never seen it, I've never HEARD of it
bandaidstations 28
You should watch that movie. It's hilarious. But I still down voted the comment.
Milotiiic 9
I don't know what it's called.. I just know the sound it makes when it takes a mans life ?
gosh_mate 30
Is he confused? Or just generally pulling you leg haha..
Albull 20
I feel like I kneed to give you a like for that. *slowly backs away*
EmperorChowilio 21
no #6 he was pull his knee....
aruden 25
Sounds like OP's grandpa has been watching to many old episodes of King of the Hill and thinks he is Hanks dad from the show
cosmic_peanut 17
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
remove the knee caps again with the axe , problem solved
Vitani_Verci 24
A little harsh don't you think...
itsalanis 25
Harsh is an understatement...
amileah13 26
Why would your grandpa say he was in Vietnam? Not really something to mess around with.
MikaykayUnicorn 36
Not sure why you are getting downvoted, I find it kind of rude for OP'S grandpa to not only try to degrade OP'S pain with a story of something that never happened, but also say that something horrible that may have happened to someone else happened to him. (minus the "stitching the kneecaps back on" part, that couldn't happen to anyone because I'm preeetty sure it's not possible.)
amileah13 26
I didn't realize that people were downvoting me and I'm confused by it as well. I wouldn't mess with lying about going to war because the people who actually have, will probably be enraged if someone like ops grandfather tried to play it off like that. I know I would be
Brandi_Faith 34
Maybe he said it because he's old and going a little senile? Either that or op doesn't know that his grandpa went to Vietnam because he's never mentioned it before now. There are lots of grandparents out there that have never talked about their war time before as it's something they'd rather not bring up or think about. It's a possibility at least.
brenton490 19
I have a uncle who never talks about it unless he is intoxicated. Nothing fun about talking about picking your friends body parts up back in the day.
Tyrex26 6
I doubt one could stitch back on their kneecaps. That's not how legs work.
Mewsmash 9
That's what the aliens WANT you to think
lantz4levi 19
See I'm not sure if this is the same case but my uncle served in Vietnam but kept it a secret from his entire family. The only reason his sister found out was because my family dropped the ball not knowing that she didn't know. This is 45 years later she found out. His parents never jnew
lantz4levi 19
Knew
MariaGiovanni 25
how do you not know
lantz4levi 19
He told his family he was in Germany
DoomedGemini 38
If that was the case here, why would he casually make a comment like that? If you want to keep it a secret, that's a poor way to do it.
Brandi_Faith 34
Yes, this is what I just said too. I've heard stories of that happening where the grandpa never mentioned they'd been to war. Often the family found out after he died and they went through all his stuff later on. It's not likely, but it is possible. And by "stitched them back on" he could just mean they fixed them. Either that or he's just getting old and a bit senile.