Today, I twisted my knee while cutting firewood with my grandpa. The pain was so crippling, I fell over screaming. His response? "Quit your bitching, I had my kneecaps blown off in Vietnam. They had to stitch 'em back on." He's never been to Vietnam, or even out of the country. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my uncle had a flashback to Vietnam. I'm now missing a tooth and have a cracked rib. FML
Today, while making small talk with a veteran, I made the mistake of using the phrase "Cost an arm and a leg". He was a double amputee. FML
Today, my great-grandfather had his arm blown off in the army and used the splintered bone to stab an enemy soldier, and got a goddamn medal for it, and yet I just watched my grown-ass son squealing like a bitch for over 10 minutes because he got a splinter in his toe. How far we’ve fallen. FML
Today, I came home from the army and explained to my family how tough it was there. Then, as I was walking away, I stubbed my toe on the couch, fell and cried. FML
Today, I went to visit my grandpa. He has an easily excited dog, who barreled into my freshly broken knee. I felt my knee move out of place again. The dog chipped a tooth. We went to the vet first. FML
Today, I slipped and fell down the stairs, landing hard on my knee. Through my screams of agony, my mom accused me of exaggerating the pain, and said I was just being an attention seeker, before finally taking me to hospital. I was told my leg was broken. She refused to apologize. FML
Today, my girlfriend, her grandma, and I were leaving her house to eat lunch. I stubbed my toe on the door while exiting. It hurt, so I stood there shortly in pain. I heard my girlfriend's grandma call me a "pansy". I later saw blood and took off my shoe. My whole toenail had come off of my big toe. FML
Today, my neighbor's dog bit me, it was extremely painful. The gash in my leg was deep and bleeding like crazy. When I finally got into my house screaming in agonizing pain, my mother said "Quit bitching, walk it off and you'll be fine." My leg is purple now. FML
Today, I was wrapping Christmas presents for my family. I got a huge paper cut on the webbing of my fingers, the pain of which caused me to scream out loud. My whole family heard and came rushing to my room. My grandma took one look, and scoffed, "Oh suck it the fuck up, princess." FML
Today, I cut down a dead tree in my yard. The top hit the ground and the base seesawed up in the air and came down on my head. I hit the ground like a sack of flour. Fortunately, the wood was rotted and soft. Unfortunately, the chainsaw was still running. 28 stitches in my calf. FML
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Top comments
vicfirthfan 11
that's what the government wants you to think
Tyrex26 6
I doubt one could stitch back on their kneecaps. That's not how legs work.
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Comments (88)
RiddleMePancake 12
ah that sucks.. is it just me or is showing pain to your grandpa the worst feeling? its like crying in front of your hard ass dad x2
starlite85 6
Your grandpa didn't have a social media website to cry about every time someone hurt his feelings. I'm gonna go ahead and take his side. Dont be a cry bitch.
hmrhoades 18
Dang it, Bobby!
upandover 15
Maybe he was just trying to make you feel better with a little humor, laughter is the best medicine! Either way feel better OP.
oceanbrickfire 21
Short of reminds me of Cotton Hill and his shins, and him killing fifty men.
SilverLust69 6
that is the funniest shit that I have ever heard in my life! XP
wow2mylife 25
that you know of
ekalfhsa 2
I found this hilarious. Mostly because of OP's name.
anaheimangels40 11
I Think You're Missing The Point. He Wants You To Toughen Up, Back In His Day, Men Didn't Cry Over Getting Hurt, They Got Over It And Moved On, At Least That Is What He Wants You To Believe!
tlnorman 18
Dementia?