Today, I tried to cuddle Simon, my five year-old son. He wriggled away and said, "If you need a teddy bear, go buy one! Or get another Simon!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was standing in a long line at the Post Office when my 3 year-old son started rubbing up and down my leg. I asked him what he was doing and he said loudly, "I'm humping you like Simon humps me!" Everyone looked at me in shocked horror. Simon is our dog. FML
Today, my six year old son came up to me with his arms spread and said, "I feel like a hug." I got really excited and hopeful because he is very anti-social and hates physical contact. As soon as I stood up to hug him he said "Feeling's gone" and walked away. FML
Today, I was lying beside my 5-year-old son to help him get to sleep. He turned his head and asked, "Daddy, why do you suck so much?" FML
Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old son covering my nose and mouth with his hand and complaining, "Noooo, you need to die now." FML
Today, I woke up to my 7 year old son angrily trying to smother me with a pillow. FML
Today, my four-year-old son asked me for a "boobie hug" in Walmart. It's something his dad thinks is cute and I've just gotten used to, so I hugged him without question. From the other end of the aisle, a strange man asked, "Can I have one too?" FML
Today, I was upset after a fight with my husband, so I cried alone in the bedroom. My 4-year-old son then comes in and hugs me. I thought he was trying to comfort me, but he then told me he had to go get his quarter my husband had promised to pay him if he made me shut up. FML
Today, when I called my 2-year-old son over for a hug, he giggled and squealed as he ran over to me. He then stopped in front of me, punched me in the bollocks, and walked away quite happily whilst I was doubled over in pain. FML
Today, I finally decided to get my five-year-old son a rabbit, so I explained to him how to take care of it. When I'd finished listing all the things he'd have to do, he replied, "That's too complicated... Couldn't we just eat it instead?" FML
Today, I went to see my mother with my kids. Before, I had told my son to give her hugs and kisses and I would buy him candy. He did, but then he told her that I said that. FML
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Top comments
alpuppy 0
hhaha that's ******* adorable "find another simon"
HOLLAcaust 0
That's adorable lol "Go find another Simon!"
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Comments (55)
SiLveRStaRLIGHT 0
Is it weird that the first thing I think of when I hear the name Simon is the Chipmunk Simon?
iHatemylife987 0
Nope, thats who i thought of at first.
veesky 0
OMG i thought the exact same thing!!
ladybuggg 0
im with #4
24788 7
Haha, I think he feels he's told old for that.
AuriPantz 0
XD "Find another Simon..."
etherealjoy 0
awwwww thats so cute! my mum was telling me the other day that she was talking to my sister on the phone. my sister says to her two year old son 'do you want to talk to grandma?'. her son says 'no! nana!'. nana is the other grandma!
Taolan 23
Kids are so cute. @ #4 - Yeah... then Child Protective Services comes to question you. Even if you had your eyes on him the entire time. Effing pricks.
srpwuzhere 0
Aww! That's adorable xD
HyperExecuter 0
that's cute, but it's kinda stupid as an fml.
Cambo9000 0
in an English accent right
Philosophic 0
Isn't there laws against that? ..Plus, you could be a potential pedophile. ..."Leave him at my house for an hour, that'll teach him!"