Today, I thought it was a good idea to flush the stink bug I found in my kitchen. Later I went in the bathroom to take a crap, and next thing I know, I feel a stink bug on my privates. I guess it didn't flush after all. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
Today, a long day of work and a bad day for my mental health, I tried to relax with my wife, a movie, and a soda. After returning from using the bathroom, I took a swig to discover a particularly odorous stink bug had snuck into the can, now my mouth. FML
Today, while going to the bathroom, I noticed a smell lingering. It smelled good so I kept sniffing the air. And then it hit me. My poop! My poop smelled good and I'd been sniffing and enjoying it. FML
Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML
Today, I wanted to take a romantic bath with my boyfriend. I set up the candles and hot water, but I had to take a dump. After my business was done, I called him into the bath. He walks in, sniffs, glances at the toilet and leaves. Guess what I forgot to flush. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, while walking home, I really had to pee, so I decided to do my business in some high grass just off the street. When I got home, I felt an itch between my butt cheeks. I went to the bathroom to check it out, and a dead, apparently crushed spider fell out of my underwear. FML
Today, I went to take a dump at work, but the last person in the stall didn't flush. As I flushed for him, the shitty water splashed on my face. Some went in my mouth. FML
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, I thought I felt something itch my butt as I sat down on the toilet. Sure it was just my imagination, I did my business. When I was done I saw there were 4 cockroaches crawling under the seat. FML
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Top comments
Sandsh8rk 36
That's gotta stink.
Retrokitty 9
*shivers*
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Comments (67)
imhope 23
Next time watch it be flushed.
manylaughs 2
At least it wasn't a spider! Eek!
Zelphoric 25
Whoa there satan, dont bring those dammed 8 legged things into this
BeefPatties 2
After they are in the toilet, I give them a nice goodbye by urinating all over them. Try it, it's a sweet revenge for all that hiding under the blankets you did as it flew around.
xMew 7
When I read this it felt like it happend to me
sykokitti 15
bug was like "dddaaaammmnnn son!!! you got some nerve calling me a STINK bug!" then fainted
newburton13 26
A good villain always makes sure their victim is DEAD before walking away! It's the first rule of the Vader School of Villainy!
priest_of_war 10
My worst fear
catunobae 7
Had similar a couple of years ago: noticed a cranefly was in the toilet, flushed then sat down, confident it had been got rid of. Shortly after was treated to the sensation of a panicked cranefly desperately trying to get out.
MrsMovesALot 8
Sacrifice it to satan
cherrycoco_fml 4
"Today, I was flushed down the crapper. I finally made my way out, and ended up in someone's privates." --stink bug's FML