Today, I thought it was a good idea to flush the stink bug I found in my kitchen. Later I went in the bathroom to take a crap, and next thing I know, I feel a stink bug on my privates. I guess it didn't flush after all. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML
Today, a long day of work and a bad day for my mental health, I tried to relax with my wife, a movie, and a soda. After returning from using the bathroom, I took a swig to discover a particularly odorous stink bug had snuck into the can, now my mouth. FML
Today, while going to the bathroom, I noticed a smell lingering. It smelled good so I kept sniffing the air. And then it hit me. My poop! My poop smelled good and I'd been sniffing and enjoying it. FML
Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML
Today, I wanted to take a romantic bath with my boyfriend. I set up the candles and hot water, but I had to take a dump. After my business was done, I called him into the bath. He walks in, sniffs, glances at the toilet and leaves. Guess what I forgot to flush. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, while walking home, I really had to pee, so I decided to do my business in some high grass just off the street. When I got home, I felt an itch between my butt cheeks. I went to the bathroom to check it out, and a dead, apparently crushed spider fell out of my underwear. FML
Today, I went to take a dump at work, but the last person in the stall didn't flush. As I flushed for him, the shitty water splashed on my face. Some went in my mouth. FML
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, I thought I felt something itch my butt as I sat down on the toilet. Sure it was just my imagination, I did my business. When I was done I saw there were 4 cockroaches crawling under the seat. FML
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Top comments
Sandsh8rk 36
That's gotta stink.
Retrokitty 9
*shivers*
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Comments (67)
whatsername3114 11
karma is a bitch
eyedea84 5
how is that karma? the op made a rational decision and had to deal with the consequences, karma happens in religions who happen to believe in reincarnation, karma happens in the afterlife. what you're implying is if I step on an ant and crash my car that would be karma? haha or would it be that the road was hazardous and I didnt have the reaction time to react due to other means such as bad drivers or weather. please look up the meaning of karma before using it as a proverb.
eyedea84 5
*would that be karma? sentence structure was missing this addition. apologies to the grammar nazis.
Rainhawk94 27
Karma applies to people.
adrianh1090 12
Why didn't you just kill it instead of picking it it up, taking over to the toilet and flushing it down. I'm sure a stomp would have done it.
clrichmond2009 24
because when you drink them, they stick. hence the name.
graceinsheepwear 34
I think 26 means when you crush them, they stink, which they do.
clrichmond2009 24
you would be correct. I'd been awake for five minutes. forgive me.:)
Rainhawk94 27
NO.
doodlecloud 27
Or, seeing as how OP must've had to move it somehow to get it to the toilet, why didn't they just put it outside?
dantee2005 33
If your system has a bug I suggest call a professional
beaverteaser 16
better then having crabs
ksks1234 33
I used to (and somewhat still do) have a fear of public restrooms for this very reason.
worldclassrager 41
Those bugs are hard to deal with...
MrE187 12
Now you know to throw those things out next time.
niamhlorren 4
What is a stink bug? Or do I want to know?
kinky44 28
A bug that stinks when you smash it. Pretty clever name.
laden_swallow09 35
Do you even Google?
sykokitti 15
a harmless bug, very interesting looking if people didn't smash them and just put them outside they shouldn't stink.
not_a_anonomous 9
That's stinks
uarudeassbitchyo 17
I would have screamed
MidnaLink 35
It helps if you drop it right in the middle of the water before you hit the button.