Today, I asked my 18 year-old daughter to buy half a dozen donuts. When she brought them over, I opened the box and discovered the dozen donuts were all cut in half. She just got accepted into a prestigious private university. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I learned that my daughter pocketed the money I'd paid so she could go to college. FML
Today, I went shopping with my mother, when someone snuck a pack of condoms into our cart while our backs were turned. When we got to the register, my mom, whose wealth makes me ineligible for financial aid, noticed the condoms and she announced that she wasn't paying for the college I got accepted to next year because she doesn't want a promiscuous daughter. FML
Today, my 17 year-old daughter told me she was going to bake a cake. When she finished, she offered me some, but it was crunchy. I asked her why and she said the recipe said to put eggs in. She put them in whole. FML
Today, after 18 years of struggling to provide my daughter with the finest educational opportunities I could afford, I dropped her off to start school at the best public university in the U.S. So far the only thing she's learned is what weed smells like. FML
Today, some of my classmates brought cupcakes to celebrate my birthday. I took the leftovers with me after class, and when my mom picked me up from school, she asked, "What are the cupcakes for?" FML
Today, I grounded my daughter for putting play doh in the toaster. She's 17 and got into Columbia early admissions. FML
Today, a woman came to my counter and ordered 12 donuts. I said, "OK sure, a dozen donuts." She paused, looked at me with disgust and yelled, "I said 12, NOT a dozen." FML
Today, I dropped off my 19 year old daughter at her first job. It's at a strip club. FML
Today, my mom called and told me I got accepted to my first-choice college. I got really excited and asked her to read me the letter. As she started to read it, she said, "Oops... uh, nevermind." FML
Today, I asked my daughter to buy me two pints of milk. Apparently, the shop only had four-pints, so she got that and poured half down the drain. FML
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Top comments
cuz803 46
That's just a tiny measurement of her intellect. Albeit a bit snarky, she outwitted you.
Harm Varwijk 17
at least she has humor. Chill tfo a little bit. Are you stressing her with comments on how much you do for her, how expensive a prestigious college was? Maybe you need to stop forcing your expectations on her, I am reading between the lines here! Also, the POST title speaks of disrespecting your daughter.
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Comments (9)
Harm Varwijk 17
at least she has humor. Chill tfo a little bit. Are you stressing her with comments on how much you do for her, how expensive a prestigious college was? Maybe you need to stop forcing your expectations on her, I am reading between the lines here! Also, the POST title speaks of disrespecting your daughter.
Marcella1016 32
To be fair, FML comes up with the titles not the posters
cuz803 46
That's just a tiny measurement of her intellect. Albeit a bit snarky, she outwitted you.
Stargazers 3
So you got two dozen half doughnuts 😣 Look out world!
lukey101 26
That’s what you get for using arbitrary units of measure like “half a dozen” 🤣👏
alex_jaguara 33
Couldn't you say six?
Charlie Given 28
sounds like your daughter is quite intelligent and she pulled a joke on you but it went right over your head try not being so ignorant 🤣😂
Dirtysalamander1 13
I'm guessing her major won't be for mathematics?
lexxiasaurus 31
it's okay to miss a joke. but not okay to try and make your daughter sound dumb, when it seems to me she pulled a fast one on you🤣