Today, I started training for a charity boxing match. When I got home and walked through the door, my dad punched me in the stomach to test my reaction time. As I lay on the floor trying to catch my breath, he said my reaction time was "terrible". FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my 250 lb ex-Marine dad announced he was going to start randomly punching me in the crotch, without warning, to "improve my reflexes." FML
Today, my dad joked he’d have to fight my boyfriend to find out if he’s worthy. My boyfriend grew up abused by his dad and older brothers, and has a powerful instinct to fight back. My dad is now out cold on the floor and my boyfriend is in the corner rocking back and forth and crying. FML
Today, my little brother punched me in the stomach. When I didn't flinch and he asked me why, I thought it would be funny to tell him I was Iron Man and that nothing could hurt me. Two seconds later, he took a step back and kicked me in the nuts as hard as he could. FML
Today, my sister punched me in the face. My dad was actually annoyed with me when I told him. He said I'll never be a "real man" if I can't take a hit from a girl. FML
Today, my friend invited me to his boxing club for the first time. Since I'm somewhat short and scrawny-looking, he was worried that the workout would be too difficult for me. I waved him off and told him that I was tougher than I looked. Five minutes into class, I sprained my ankle. FML
Today, I blacked out while hugging my dad. I woke up a minute later on the floor with my dad telling me to, "quit being lazy and get up." FML
Today, my stepdad punched me in the face after I told him I hated him. He and my mom came in 10 minutes later to try to convince me that I'd made it up in my head that he'd punched me. My face was still red. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to scare my dad for once, since he has scared me for fun dozens of times. It would have been funny, had he not punched me in the face. FML
Today, I was awoken by my dad yelling into my ear. In shock, I jumped up off the couch, and came smashing down into the coffee table. FML
Today, my dad decided to take his medicine before eating. He passed out with his face in a plate of chocolate cake. He wasn't responsive so I called the paramedics. When he got to the hospital, the doctor asked him if he knew why he was there. He replied, "Because my stupid daughter overreacted." FML
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Top comments
BadKitty14 7
Maybe you should test his reaction time by punching him in the balls.
RainbowDashie140 12
I would work on those reactions.
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Comments (68)
revolution4ever 14
Punch him in the balls. Use the excuse that you needed a punching bag.
waffule365 16
This reminds me of the Pink Panther .movie with Steve Martin.
jem970 19
Punch him in the balls while you are down there and tell him his pain tolerance needs work.
perdix 31
He was "correct." It's OK for a charity boxing match, they always want to see some poor bastard with terrible reflexes get beaten to a pulp. Ironically, the more nobler the charity, the more blood-thirsty those motherfuckers are. If you're fighting for The Sisters of the Poor, then want to see you lose an organ.
SS99_fml 20
Spread butter on his bedroom floor .
mr_sarcastic416 29
the butter prank works best in the hallway, bottom of the stairs, in the kitchen or the bathroom
JR_Goes_Rawr 11
Training montage, Eye of the Tiger, and stairs. All you need to be ready for round two.
MakeTodayADTR 20
*Cues 'Eye Of The Tiger' It's montage time. xD
notforbirds 9
Just here to point out that the comment above this came first and says almost exactly the same thing, but was thumbed down. Wut?
andyyroxx 20
Execution is key.
notforbirds 9
Agreed *sharpens scythe*
zahra_786 19
What your dad really meant to say was, 'unagi...'.
CharresBarkrey 16
Ahhhh.. Salmon skin roll.
Jacksparrow72 21
Parents are just bwing assholes these days. Peer pressure at it's worst.
Mizzesbestie 13
Hit him in the balls next time and say you needed a punching sack