Today, I snooped around my parents' room looking for hidden Christmas presents. The only hidden things I found was a whip, two ball gags, several other sex toys, and a load of newspaper clippings about the JFK assassination. What the fuck? FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out that the sleeping mask I'd been using for months was actually part of a BDSM kit. I found the rest of it in my dad's room. FML
Today, I found the Christmas candy that I'd hidden a year ago. Turns out I wasn't the only living creature who had found it. FML
Today, I gave my mom an extra pillow since the ones in the guest room were too flat and hurt her neck. Hours later, I remembered that I'd stashed my vibrator in that pillowcase during a romantic camping trip with my husband. She found it. FML
Today, I opened my Christmas presents with my husband. One of the things he got me was a ball gag. "Yeah," he said with a grin, "That one's more for me but I didn't wanna buy myself headphones." Cue our son asking me what it was. FML
Today, my dad wanted to show me a cool camera he saw on Amazon yesterday, so I let him use my laptop to find it. I realized too late that I'd forgotten to clear my browsing history. The suggested purchases section was filled with dildos and lube. He definitely noticed. FML
Today, I discovered that my parents rooted through our house looking for junk to sell at a garage sale. They sold all of my books from my bookshelf. When I freaked, out my mom said 'well you never read them'. There was about $300 hidden between the pages of those books. They made $60. FML
Today, whilst cleaning the living room, I heard snickering coming from my bedroom. My two nephews had found my "play cupboard" and were blowing up condoms like balloons. FML
Today, I was helping my mom look for some money she'd misplaced. At my wit's end, I flipped through her diary, in case she'd hidden it between the pages as she has before. Didn't find the money, but I did find out she might well be cheating on my dad. FML
Today, I finally got around to cleaning out my mother's things after her passing. In the process I found a fancy box. What did it contain? A collection of crack pipes. FML
Today, my family decided to break tradition and wake up at midnight to open presents. I didn't find out until I went downstairs to get a glass of water in the middle of the night, and found wrapping paper and empty boxes everywhere. FML
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Top comments
bosniangirl27 21
That's what you get for snooping
ComoEsJuan 24
Dude. So much kink. It's almost unbearable.
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Comments (129)
bosniangirl27 21
That's what you get for snooping
cmchappy 25
I thought op would have stopped after finding the whip
soulreaper12296 28
OP probably found it all in one place.
Enslaved 38
The whip was there to serve as a warning to let the OP know what will happen if she continues to snoop! The ball gag was there to let mom know what will happen if she tells you your gift early. As far as JKF... Who doesn't love a bit of history?
cakefete2 31
The newspaper about the assassination served as a warning for those who failed to heed the first two warnings.
Arwen_Evenstar 37
Yep, there's just no way this isn't the OP's fault. I've never understood wanting to ruin the surprise anyway.
LikeYouGiveAShit 27
I think it was interrogation role play. Suspect for the assassination and a sadistic interrogator.
RA91 26
Lmao!!! I Love the explanation #34!!
Miss_Chevious 37
"Merry Christmas!"
laaryssa 21
How do you explain away the sex toys?
ComoEsJuan 24
Dude. So much kink. It's almost unbearable.
ComoEsJuan 24
It really blows my mind.
shay_serendipity 29
Did you really just reply to your own comment?
jerryj 27
No.
fortune789 17
#42, he's probably the guy who sold OP's parents the whip and ball gags.
cherry_popper69 11
*when your so proud of your comment you comment on it #whothefuckdoesthat
15Erik 21
Ha! UnBAREable!
NamesIncognita 15
and such an awful kink too...fyl op.
kennyb96 10
The feels :/. Kinky though?
shelbystang 2
And this is why you shouldnt snoop
Kyp_kingofhearts 12
I feel a conspiracy
Pink185054 16
Well...did you find any presents?
TrippingOnAcid 29
Maybe those were the presents
SeriousJoker72 18
Hahahahaha! Omg I laughed harder at your comment than I did at the FML
MegaExplosives 17
*Slow clap*
Vegetarian27 24
Evidently they weren't, as they were the only things OP found. But I get the feeling that you're suggesting that those were the presents, which is just wrong.
xmaan667 15
Brain bleach would be perfect for this situation
MrConcise 35
I'll need some if I keep having to read comments about brain bleach. It's like the FML community can't ride a horse without maiming it with sticks after.
expertsmilee 26
Reminds me of that scene from gone with the wind where she keeps whipping the horse to go faster or move at all until it just keels over dead.
Kalipczo 21
well... I mean... you kinda set yourself up for it by snooping. I snooped once when I was around 7 and found condoms and a massive *****, never again. .
Enslaved 38
As a kid, I secretly used to carefully unwrap and rewrap all my gifts that were kept under the tree before Christmas. Wow was I disappointed! I mainly got shitty gifts. Never felt like I needed to wake up early on that morning.
DoubleDosexo 12
when I was like 4, I found my parents stash of condoms sorta, and I asked them what they were. they said they were for cleaning computer screens. I tried it like a week later, that was disappointing. BTW, the condoms were like right by the door so any and every one knew they were there.
CandyPewPewPew 29
When I was 7, I thought condoms were flavoured bubble gums.
urbantrashcan 18
On the first day of Christmas my family gave to me, one sexy whip, two ball gags, three sex toys, political clippings, and a dose of emotional scarring!
Kaygirl2013 13
That's great!
maireadmoran 10
Is nobody else curious about the JFK clippings?
christian1509 21
I've sat here for like the past 30 minutes trying to figure out what that was about
TahoeFMler 22
If they were alive when it happened, it could just be historically memorable. Like people that say "where were you when you heard Lennon was killed" or "where where you when the towers were hit?"
oreoeater 21
Some odd fetish?
Madissoni 14
Well, when the towers were hit I was ******** myself... 5 months old...
ThePols 11
His dad likes to be called Mr. President. I guarantee it.
auro7 18
where was u when op was kil?
Astrum14 24
I figured that they put all that stuff on purpose, just in case OP and any siblings OP might have decided to snoop around looking for gifts.
DARKDAY07 16
Those Kinky sons of bitches must've killed JFK