Today, I performed the Heimlich maneuver on a man. He cussed me out because the piece of food he was choking on was "a perfectly good portion of lobster". FML
elissak tells us more.
Hey all! OP here. A longer version of the story... I was on a first date when I saw a man at another table panic, get up from his table, and start running toward the back. I was taught this is a common sign of someone choking, so I went after him without thinking (my poor date!). I caught him right before the bathrooms and had him calm enough for a moment to dislodge the lobster. He was very thankful at the time. Around twenty minutes later when his table got the bill, he made a special trip over to my table to get in my face and started yelling about how I cost him this otherworldly amount of money because he couldn't get that lobster back. I had considered opening my purse and pulling out some monopoly money to pay for his meal (yes, I keep monopoly money on me), but I thought that might have been a little cruel or in poor taste, so I simply stared at him until he walked away. My date and I laughed about it for the rest of dinner, and it's definitely a tale getting added to my arsenal of stories. No harm done!
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Top comments
ComoEsJuan 24
Let his ass choke.
Googolman 29
That lobster must have been to die for!
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Comments (63)
ComoEsJuan 24
Let his ass choke.
Sports_guy3 28
No, bad idea. Everyone else would've cussed OP out for letting a man die or almost die. Some people just can't be pleased.
desoxyn242 14
You mean let his throat choke?
Anony2014 10
Karma might make sure that happens the next time he decides to go for expensive lobster.
Hiktmae 20
"Sorry I saved your life."
15Erik 21
Wouldn't that be constipation if his ass was choking?
DogeMan 14
Serve the piece back to him?
iamsofuckedupla 19
Should've let him choke on his perfectly good lobster...
Kyp_kingofhearts 12
I'd do that. I hate uncomfortable situations. But he's probably a ******* glutton due to the fact that he's pissed over a damn lobster piece that nearly killed him.
thief1434 23
Lol, I bet if you hadn't saved him he still would've cussed you out. Assuming he survived, that is.
Googolman 29
That lobster must have been to die for!
garebear61 14
Dammit you beat me to it!
brssps1 19
No. I think that man was just being shellfish.
stargirl_95 24
Fine then he can choke next time
r1r1h2 11
There's no YDI yet. Even FML can't argue with this one.
Toughsky 23
No matter what the situation is there will always be a minority of YDI or FYL votes . Whether it's something like the OP was hit by a car in his yard or he broke his leg jumping of the roof. That small minority will always be there to oppose the majority.
nightbirdblue 27
You also have the people that always vote YDI.
FMLworthy5000 21
I think it was only once I've ever saw an FML with no YDI's and it wasn't recent so there's slight hope
teapotrevolt 27
Perhaps he should be a little bit more grateful you saved his life... What a selfish man.
teapotrevolt 27
Damn, clearly I wasn't on the ball.
ginger196 14
Well, some people just parent grateful
Perfectly_Killer 14
Sounds like someone is a cheapskate.