Today, I sneezed without knowing I had a nosebleed. Despite turning my head, a fine blood spray shot out all over my fiancée’s white dress as we were standing at the altar. She refused to say “I do” because she was so mad. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, on the drive to church, I got a nosebleed. Not so bad, until I sneezed and splattered myself and my fiancé with blood, snot, and eventually tears. FML
Today, I was a bridesmaid at my best friend’s wedding. During the ceremony, I felt a sneeze coming on. I tried to stifle it, but when I sneezed, my bouquet flew out of my hands and into the groom’s face. It knocked his glasses off, and everyone was silent until the groom finally said, “Are you implying you oppose our marriage?” FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to the movies. She's pretty conservative and I decided after four dates to give her her first ever kiss. As I leaned in she violently sneezed and hit me in the nose with the hand she brought up to cover her face. I broke my nose and got blood down her cleavage. FML
Today, it's my wedding day. It was meant to be perfect. The bouquet, along with a high pollen count, set my hay fever off. I walked down the aisle in front of 200 people with streaming eyes and a runny nose; I then had a sneezing fit during my vows and blew a large snot bubble. Real attractive. FML
Today, I was on a date with a girl and everything was going great. As I took her back to her house and walked her to her door, I leaned in for a kiss. She seemed to really enjoy it, so I went for another but as I leaned in again, I sneezed uncontrollably, shooting her face with saliva and snot. FML
Today, in the middle of asking my girlfriend to marry me, I sneezed so hard that I farted. FML
Today, while kissing my girlfriend's neck, I sneezed a blob of snot onto her. She told me that "it doesn't matter", while hiccuping a bit of vomit. FML
Today, after days of nasal congestion, I stifled a sneeze. It went out my nose, blowing out a massive spray of green gunk, streaked with blood. This happened at a meeting, splattering the table in front of me with green bloody mucus. The other attendees looked horrified and one ran to vomit. FML
Today, on my wedding day, when they said, "You may kiss the bride", I swung my wife over in the romantic fashion and went in for the kiss. Unfortunately, my hands were sweaty as I was nervous, and she slipped under my grip. She fell and was knocked unconscious in front of hundreds of people. FML
Today, I had a sneezing fit in the middle of the night, like 10 really great big sneezes, but then it was over and I went back to sleep. I got up this morning and turned the light on, and turns out I’d been sneezing blood over everything, the bed, walls, carpet, furniture, clothes, everything. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
So much for that “in sickness and in health” part.
gramie 8
If you weren't able to actually finish the ceremony, you may have just had the luckiest escape of your life. You could have had a serious health issue, and all she is concerned about is her dress? If you did get married, my condolences!
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Comments (26)
karma1221 11
White dresses are too old fashioned any way. Pok-a-dot is definitely the new fad
Rosemarie Townsend 13
I hope she didn’t say “I do”. You don’t deserve to be treated like that!! Hopefully you dodged a bullet.
Madrias 36
He might've dodged a bullet, but her dress probably looks like he didn't.
mbz86 6
Never happened, nobody ever says I do
fluffy_gummybear 13
You were about to marry the wrong person. I acknowledge that the dress was probably expensive, but you can't exactly stop a sneeze or a nosebleed so it wasn't your fault and it's incredibly petty of her to refuse to say I do because of that.
SteveO 2
I could have saved a lot of money if I had learned this trick the first couple of times!
emilyfml! 4
She missed the perfect opportunity to say "I bloody do!"
Takegami 22
Wow. Talk about the worst ever time to have a sneeze, OP.
withered 30
She should have written "I do" with your blood on her dress. Or on your face.
Alex_7759 13
It's embarrassing to be a woman because of these types of people. Including the ones who will smash all of your stuff and freak out when their man's phone vibrates.