Today, I showed by ID to get into a bar and the bouncer kept it because he said it wasn't me. It was. Apparently I've gained so much weight I am unrecognizable. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, was my first day as a bouncer. I was a bit late and didn't meet all the staff. Later that night, some fairly drunk guy was trying to force his way in, I told him we were at capacity and that he would have to wait. He kept trying and I ended up pushing him to the floor. He was the owner. FML
Today, I was together with a few of my friends when I got up the courage to confess I have an eating disorder. One of my friends then said "... but you're not skinny." FML
Today, I wanted to use my gift card for a liquor store. I went to pay the cashier, who said he needed to see my license. I gave it to him, along with my gift card. After paying, he asked me if I wanted him to cut it up, since the card was now worthless. I said yes. He cut up the wrong card. FML
Today, I was searched and questioned at the airport for having an apple. FML
Today, I was fired for having a haircut that was 'inappropriate for the workplace'. I have alopecia. My boss told me to stop making up excuses. FML
Today, the guy I was seeing texted me a photo back of myself I had sent him earlier, saying I'm such a beautiful woman, suggesting that I set it as my profile pic. Too bad he doesn't think I'm pretty enough without a lot of enhancements, because he photoshopped the hell out of that thing. FML
Today, a guy asked for my number at a party. As I was entering my number into his phone, my name and a picture of me popped up. I'm afraid I just met my stalker. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy I had been talking to online for weeks. When I showed up, he looked nothing like his profile picture, and he spent the entire time talking about his ex-girlfriend. FML
Today, when I showed someone my 9-year old passport, she commented, “You look so different! Now you have that Jason Statham thing going on!” My hair goes down to my shoulders; this confirms that my receding hairline is real and it’s time to come to grips. At least I’m over 30. FML
Today, I got lost, and eventually noticed that I'd passed by the same house a few times. Apparently somebody who lives on that street noticed as well, because the next time I passed by, the police were waiting for me. FML
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Top comments
tick_tock 0
You should have called the police, he can't keep your ID.
sportmaster525 0
well that's quite the predicament
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Comments (62)
alki_fml 5
a tell tale sign that its time to lay off the twinkies and get your ass to a gym!
nodayliketoday 0
gaining weight isn't always a bad thing, dumbfucks. I gained fifty pounds after I went to hospital. I am now at a healthy weight, but no-one recognised me when I got out either. Chill out with the ZOMG U SO FATTTT comments.
sportmaster525 0
ZOMG U SO FATTTT oh wait what...sorry... anyways, could be your fault, might not be, not saying either way
blondie3689 1
hahaha....exactly =P Take this as an incentive to lose weight...or get a new picture on ur ID?
Qup 0
so lose weight and ask for your ID back.
falling4 0
haha it's ok. i had just gotten my wisdom teeth pulled out before i had my drivers test... i have really swollen cheeks in my picture .. it looks nothing like me lol
lettertjes 0
I don't know about US law, but I can't imagine it's legal for a bouncer to confiscate someones ID.
lmmmr 0
If they think that it's fake they have to.
tkel87 0
It is illegal for a bouncer to keep your ID if its really you in the picture go back to the bar with a cop and get your ID bak... also lose weight cause this is pathetic
plexico 4
You needed a new ID after all. Face it, paying for an ID that reveals your current fatness is a lot cheaper and easier than losing the weight.
boilerup 0
That's true; it's 100% illegal for someone to take away your license/ID unless they are law enforcement.
sadpanda00 0
That's not exactly true; it 100% depends on locality (including state, province, town, etc.)
alex_vik 1
How do you gain that much weight to be unrecognizable? YDI for gaining at least 100 pounds.
papertigers_fml 0
didn't you have any other ID to prove that it was in fact you?