Today, I realized the fastest way to wake up isn't from an alarm clock. It's from the warm, wet sensation of your old and senile cat peeing on you and your bed. I swear he was smiling. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as I was trying to fall asleep, I was jolted awake by my oldest cat who'd decided it would be perfect to power-puke all over my bed. FML
Today, I was woken up to the sound of my cat peeing on the pillow next to mine. When I yelled at him, he jumped over my face and off the bed. He was still peeing the entire time. FML
Today, while in deep sleep, I was suddenly awoken by a tickle on my face and nearly threw my cat off the bed. Apparently, 4 a.m. Is the perfect time to touch noses with your human. FML
Today, I was woken up by my cat, who normally doesn't bother me in the morning, meowing desperately and trying to get me to wake up. Fearing that something was very wrong, I jumped out of bed. He gestured for me to follow him, so I did. I followed him all the way to the kitchen, where he proceeded to puke. FML
Today, I turned over in my sleep and fell out of bed, face-first into a puddle of cold cat vomit that my cat had left for me. FML
Today, I replaced my bedsheets with new, clean ones. I went to the bathroom to wash up, and when I came back, my cat had peed exactly where my head would be. FML
Today, my dad thought it would be funny to wake me up by sprinkling catnip over me then dropping my cat on top of me. FML
Today, my cat woke me up announcing he was hungry by standing on my bedside table. This placed him both next to and above my head. Did he do this by meowing? Nope. Did he do it by tapping me with his little paw? Not that either. He sneezed all over my face. FML
Today, my cat woke me up a few minutes before my alarm, so I got up, had a pee, brushed my teeth, got dressed, went downstairs and fed her, started to make a coffee, and glanced at my phone clock. IT'S ONLY 01:30 IN THE FRICKING MORNING, MY ALARM DOESN’T GO OFF FOR ANOTHER 5 HOURS! DAMN CAT! FML
Today, I was woken up by my roommates cat meowing so loudly at her door, wanting in. Suddenly it stopped. I was just falling back into sleep when I rolled over and the cat was right there beside my head. Meowing. FML
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Top comments
onlychildFTW 34
Hey you could market a peeing alarm clock and make millions! People need a good way to wake up. Haha.
Melissa92_fml 13
Sounds like a crazy version of the Cheshire Cat :D.. Though he's kinda crazy to begin with.
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Comments (102)
annie_nk 23
It's like the older a cat gets, the meaner they are until they're almost feral.
DracoSpirita 21
It's quite the opposite for me. When I was little, my cat would run and tackle me to the ground. Now that she is older and senile, she just meows a lot and lays on my lap.
annie_nk 23
Guess I've never had the right kind if cats growing up.
outoftown 27
Mine started almost feral, then mellowed... after 15 years.
Bliss391 7
I'm pretty sure that's your cat's way of saying change my damn litter box!!
bestnameright 14
What's a pussy supposed to do to a guy asleep? ;)
krysxkatastrophe 14
17- Not pee on him.
wildsweetchild 19
In this case it got him wet. ))
krysxkatastrophe 14
He's not senile. He knew what he was doing! Cats are sneaky creatures who make you think they can't take care of themselves so you will make their life easier.
gracehi 33
Cue the "Cats suck" and "get a dog" comments.
l23VIVE 17
I moderated this FML!!! Not that anyone cares
olpally 33
Nope, we don't care. Move along now.
Angelrose2004 17
It's not a matter of whether you moderated it; it's a matter of whether you said yes or not... Don't leave us all in suspense! Did you say yes!?!?
MyssMarsh 11
I would have been so pissed... get it?
rooney0710 5
At least you weren't sleeping in it all night
Rodders_SOTC 1
Take a shit in his favourite spot. Two can play that game.
sens3sfailing 25
But you still need to clean it up. Cats always ******* win!
Enslaved 38
Hey, my cat's into water sports too. The purrrrv!