Today, I realized that I've been a member of eHarmony for almost a year. No one has ever contacted me out of the 134 people I've been "scientifically" matched with. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I re-joined a popular on-line dating service. I'd first signed up 3 years ago and was matched with a wonderful woman. After about a year, she broke up with me. I was devastated. After two years of trying to win her back, I'd decided it's best just to move on. Guess who they matched me with? FML
Today, I finally matched with someone on Tinder after using it for a month. I sent a message and they unmatched. FML
Today, I joined a dating website and spent all day filling out and improving my profile. My first match is a guy who relentlessly tried to date me for all 4 years of high school. Now he just has more reasons to tell me how much we're meant to be. We're a 97% match. FML
Today, I completed the arduous, nearly hour-long process of answering the eHarmony dating questionnaire, only to be told my answers were too "unique" for them to match me with anyone. I had chosen "the world" as my distance range. FML
Today, I signed up for an online dating site. After completing their personality quiz, I set the distance to a 60 mile radius of where I live. Then to the country. Then to the whole world. I got no matches for any of the settings. FML
Today, at a time when dating app usage is at an all time high, in 3 months I've only managed 4 likes and one brief match on Bumble. I'm not terrible looking by any means, yet I'm weeks away from my 8-year anniversary of being single. Am I cursed or something? FML
Today, it's not enough that men IRL tell me to smile, now the dating apps have OK'd this and decided it's fine to send me email with a stock phrase saying, "[Match's name] wants to see you smile back!" Online dating is the bane of my existence but also my best bet for not being single forever. Curse you, eHarmony. FML
Today, I got an email notification from Yahoo! Personals: "Hi, we've found 0 new matches for you". FML
Today, I signed up for an online dating service, a couple of days after my divorce. I got my first batch of matches, and number one was a smiling picture of the woman who had just divorced my ass after 20+ years together. Her profile shows she has to have been active there for months. FML
Today, I joined a dating website for the first time in 12 years and spent an hour carefully crafting my profile. Ten minutes after posting, my sibling texted me screenshots. I’d linked my profile to Facebook, where my bio appeared under my real name for half my extended family. Aunt Linda left a heart reaction. FML
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Top comments
coopcas 0
eHarmony is full of bigots, anyhow. Go out more, you're wasting your money. They don't even accept gays, the bastards.
24788 7
Why don't you try contacting them?
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Comments (131)
anabananaxo97 0
you have to find the right one. I'm glad you didn't put fml because why is your life so bad just because you can't find that special someone. It takes time. It takes some people forty years, some fifty. I'm 12 and i still haven't got a boyfriend. So if your ugly, join the club.
Colby_Colbert 0
#44 if you're 12 y.o. You should be more worried about what hanna montana is up 2 this week than getting a bf
Blue_Coconuts 7
Myspace as a better chance of getting you laid than those sites... Either way, go out and actually meet people, when they're on the internet there is always SOMETHING that they don't want you to know yet. Pictures are always hand picked, etc.. It's best to go out in person if you can, people are never real over the internet.
myfairyoshi_fml 0
where's the FML? #44 YOUR TWELVE you should not be worried about boyfriends, you also show how young people really are on this website. i very much agree with #45
teheheois 0
women from these sites are generaly desperate with low esteem and pretentious waiting for handsome movie actor
wolfy_fml 5
lol I can't even get any matches on eHarmony. I filled out their stupid questionnaire and then they were like, "lol We can't help you!"
manunited93 0
YDI for not putting FML at the end
Enchantment_9393 0
Maybe you should stop pitying yourself. Very unattractive. You could also contact them instead of just expecting them to do the work.
FrankieTheNimrod 0
#44. The fact that kindergarteners have boyfriends has apparently poisoned our society so much that people think 12 year olds should have boyfriends already. That's sad. Wait until you're older and it's actually not useless to have a partner. Also, the site is called Fmylife. So anything on here should have FML, but it doesn't mean "My life is ruined forever, I hate myself."
JiggstheMan 0
Maybe everyone doesn't think they deserve your charmin good looks. Turn a negative into a positive.