Today, I made the most perfect prime rib of my life at an amazing medium rare. I was so distracted dyeing eggs with my kids that I didn’t notice my mom cut the meat, then deciding to shove it back into the oven as it was “too pink” for her liking. She incinerated it beyond all recognition. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I spent hours cooking a big dinner for my parents for the first time. I guess I made the steak too rare, because when my dad cut into it, he said "Christ! This thing's practically alive!" and said a skilled vet could probably bring the cow it was cut from back to life. FML
Today, I put my perfectly-broiled steak portion in the microwave to keep it from the cats while it rested. I accidentally hit "cook" instead of "timer". My perfect rare steak is now almost perfectly half-leather and half-charcoal. FML
Today, I made several beautiful steaks on the grill, then set them to rest. While I left to use the bathroom, my four year-old decided they looked yucky and poured syrup on them. My wife was too busy giggling and recording it to stop her. FML
Today, I was at a fancy family dinner. The dish I'd made was served, and as we ate, I told my aunt that I was a total failure as a cook, explaining everything wrong about my dish, in painful detail. Apparently we'd both made the same dish. That one wasn't mine. FML
Today, my in-laws were visiting from Texas, so I made a brisket, smoked for 10 hours on the barbecue, and it was perfect. Alas, when my husband cut the meat, he burst a perfectly cooked cyst the size of a lemon that stank the whole house out. FML
Today, I spent my entire day off making a brisket. It had been cooking for 8 hours when, just before dinner, I went for a quick jog. In that time my girlfriend came home and ruined it by trying to make it the way she wanted. I'm a chef and she's an office worker. We couldn't eat it. FML
Today, I bought my mother an apple pie. She made a face at it and said that she'd decided to go on a diet. After I'd left the house, she put it in the oven, forgot about it, and burnt it to a crisp. She then called me up to inform me that I'd wasted my money, and to get her "another damn pie." FML
Today, I’m learning to cook and invited friends over to prove I’m improving. I timed everything perfectly… or so I thought. I realized I’d never actually turned the oven on. We stood around a beautifully plated tray of room-temperature lasagna while I said, “It just needs… a bit more time.” Two hours later, we ordered pizza. FML
Today, in order to not upset my boss's autistic son who believes he is a chef, I had to choke down food that was both burnt and undercooked in the middle, contained way too much salt, and no other seasonings at all. I’m a real chef and I could feel my taste buds dying after eating that slop. FML
Today, I tried to make a grilled cheese sandwich for myself, but as soon as I started, my mom rushed into the kitchen and criticized me for making it "wrong". She then made the sandwich for me. It tasted significantly worse than when I make them. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Callyn 47
You should be able to eat what you like and your mother shouldn't have screwed with your food. But, when you're cooking for other people you have to take into account that not everyone likes raw beef. So next time, make two. One a medium rare like you like and a medium well for people like your mom.
sirrubberduckie 37
Medium rare is not raw, it's safe to eat, and prime rib is a really expensive cut of meat. There's no point to cooking it past medium rare, because cheaper cuts of meat taste just as good if you're just going to cook it to medium or higher. Also, "incinerated it beyond all recognition" isn't medium well, and certainly isn't appropriate for an expensive cut of meat.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (10)
Callyn 47
You should be able to eat what you like and your mother shouldn't have screwed with your food. But, when you're cooking for other people you have to take into account that not everyone likes raw beef. So next time, make two. One a medium rare like you like and a medium well for people like your mom.
sirrubberduckie 37
Medium rare is not raw, it's safe to eat, and prime rib is a really expensive cut of meat. There's no point to cooking it past medium rare, because cheaper cuts of meat taste just as good if you're just going to cook it to medium or higher. Also, "incinerated it beyond all recognition" isn't medium well, and certainly isn't appropriate for an expensive cut of meat.
msimms001 15
if someone's cooking for you, you can ask to have a piece more done, but especially a prime rib that's meant to be medium rare you can't make everyone eat it well done.
Callyn 47
I said that the mother was wrong to mess with the prime rib. But she's not wrong to want it more well done than medium rare, that's just her preference and it's a totally fine preference to have. Just because you like it one way doesn't mean that everyone has to.
Bogrbon 27
You should never have to cremate good beef. If they want blackened beef get a chuck roast, not someone else’s prime rib. Also, it’s easier to cut the beef medium rare and cook it more for the uncultured heathens that would order prime rib well-done.
Callyn 47
Again, Mom was wrong to mess with the food. But she's not wrong to want well done prime rib, what she likes is her prerogative. She just needs to use her words next time.
RichardPencil 32
Your post contains the obvious solution. Use the egg dye to change the color of the meat to a perfect one. Bon appetit!
WistayShlaio82 13
Oh my god...I’m so sorry. I hope she ate the meat since she made it the way she wanted, for everyone.
Biker187 13
Time to call a nursing home & find out if they have vacancies for her. If so time for a road trip!
DarkAngelsBlade 25
I’d have made her go and get me 2 new roasts because **** her she didn’t cook.