Today, I'm very ill. My throat and glands are so swollen that whenever I fall asleep, I relax too much and cut off my own air. The doctor said it's a viral infection and there's nothing they can give me, so I can choose between trying to kill myself by sleeping or staying awake for the next few days. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had a horrible case of the flu. I have a fever of 102 degrees and I can't breathe through my nose. Choosing to sleep it off turns out to be enough for my mom to call me a lazy fuck and scream at me for doing nothing all day. FML
Today, I have an acute URI and acute bronchitis. The cough syrup works amazingly well to stop the coughing, but if I take the cough syrup it gives me insomnia. So I get to choose: do I want to spend all night coughing, or spend all night tossing and turning? FML
Today, I woke up at 5 a.m. because my throat was swelling up. I called 911 and they determined that I would live, so I took two Benadryl and slept all day. Then I went to urgent care for my scheduled appointment time and tested positive for Covid. FML
Today, my daughter has an ear infection and hasn’t slept more than 15 minutes a night for the last three days. Well tonight she was finally asleep, but I needed to take my own tablets. I had a violent coughing fit while choking on them, and woke her up. FML
Today, after having my tonsils removed, I coughed so hard in my sleep that I woke up spitting blood. Turned out I'd ripped my throat. They had to put me to sleep and cauterize the damaged area. Now I'm in even worse pain than before. FML
Today, I've been sick with both a chest cold and a sore throat. As a result, I've also been dehydrated, causing me to have a headache. Whenever I cough, I feel like my throat is being ripped apart and my head is about to explode. FML
Today, I'm trying to sleep off a cold as my roommate plays video games in his adjacent room. He doesn't rage or get excited often, and he can control it even more if he really needs to, but it's still enough to keep me painfully awake, along with my cold. Every minute feels like an eternity. FML
Today, I've been bedridden for 2 weeks. My mother, a very busy woman who lives 30 minutes away, took me to the doctor's office, which is barely 2 minutes across town. Turns out I have strep, and a bad ear infection. My loving boyfriend of 6 years, who lives with me, just told me to take a hot shower and I'd feel better. FML
Today, I have to sleep in another room, with the door closed, because if I don't, my girlfriend's snoring will keep me awake. I was diagnosed with chronic insomnia because of this. FML
Today, I'd finally had enough of feeling awful and went to urgent care. As it turns out, the reason my throat was sore was because I have a sinus infection. The doctor explained my nose is producing pus, and that's what I'm swallowing and coughing up. Yuck. I also have pink eye on top of that. FML
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Top comments
MyEpicDemise 7
I feel you should've consulted another doctor for a different opinion. Still, FYL.
lemon_phat 11
Just go to sleep, the second your throat closes, you will automatically wake up. And if this were truly life or death, you'd be in a hospital, lol.
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Comments (137)
Miss_Attitude96 24
Good luck with that.
CraneTG 0
And that's what happens when you give head to complete strangers!
SnowTrooper19 0
Got coffee?
minisquid 9
Check ThinkGeeks "Caffeine Section". I recommend the Bawls and BlackBlack gum for staying up for several days :P
EnEl_Infierno 15
Redbull & Monster together make for a funky ass high ;)
faith94m 5
if by "funky ass high" you mean shakes, cold sweats, and being completely miserable for a substantial amount of time then yes, very funky. accidently tried that cocktail once. never again.
EnEl_Infierno 15
Well it's different for everyone I guess, I like it, i work graves at an extremely physically demading job and this cocktail is what gets though the week for days on end. Better than alternative.
j_cat187 20
No you drink a bottle of Nyquil. Now that's a good high.
marmlr339 14
Well if its about staying wake in order to not die, I'd suggest crystal meth.
pulse18 2
I think your best choice would be sleep. That's clearly your best option.
MyEpicDemise 7
I feel you should've consulted another doctor for a different opinion. Still, FYL.
heyhihello95 12
I don't know about you but I'd choose the second option.
maddylovesu 5
no way bro, no sleep would just get you more sick...
maddylovesu 5
no way bro, no sleep would just get you more sick...
maddylovesu 5
oops.
heyhihello95 12
I don't know about you but I'd choose the second option.
Daralea 21
mhmm. I would rather die than not be able to breath!
heyimallison 0
that's like the movie 'nightmare on elm street.'
Savra_fml 17
Except that it's not. Kids got killed in the movie for falling asleep, while here the OP would be killing themselves.
LiveLaughFML 10
#28: either way, you have the option of going to sleep and dying or staying awake and being tired. :X
Savra_fml 17
# 34, you are correct, as is # 8. It has been a long time since I have seen the movies, but I see now how the situations could be similar. My apologies.
ShyAnn29 15
8 I like those movies, even though they scare the hell out of me!! I get scared rather easily
ChaeRi 3
So I'm guessing Starbucks is gonna have a new regular. Well, cheer up, at least you can get your way with things now; demand your way or threaten to commit suicide by sleeping. You can get that huge Nerf gun you know you've always wanted. At any rate, FYL );
thatonename 7
I was going to thumb you up, but then you joked about suicide. Some things just don't make good jokes....
Accept 11
Scary Stuffs. Why not have someone watch over you while you sleep just in case when it looks like your close to dying they'd be able to wake you up?
je_suis_fml 11
Until the other person on "watch duty" falls asleep. :-/
natashax21 5
That awkward moment when all your friends fall asleep and you're writing this FML from heaven.
edgestr 2
Or Hell. We don't know what kind or person OP really is........
Buttsexpirate 9
Don't think of it as a curse, think of it as a superpower! You could be Super awake man and spend those days making a backstory! Your nemesis, the sandman.
SirSquishyPants 1
No, the sleeping man would be his nemesis
hotPinklipstick 24
20 The sandman is the "sleeping man".
Kolden 11
Your awesome
Kolden 11
Your awesome
LlamaFlavoured 24
Your awesome what?