Today, I'm taking care of my 12-year-old daughter because my ex-wife thought she could cure our daughter's lactose intolerance by sneaking milk into her soy breakfast. The milk had expired. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I saw my mom changing the expiry date on milk. She genuinely thought this would make the milk sour later. FML
Today, I found out my mom put breast milk in my cereal until I was 7 years old. FML
Today, we ran out of milk and my 4 year-old son came up to me and asked if he could "milk" my wife's breasts for his cereal. Apparently, he thinks my wife doesn't love him and his sister is selfish for not sharing her milk. His sister is only one month old. FML
Today, I really wanted something to drink. I looked in the fridge, and found some of my grandma's soy milk. I took a swig, and instead of tasting soy, I tasted something rotten. Turns out my grandma knows I drink her soy milk, so she swapped it with expired chicken broth. FML
Today, I caught my pregnant wife trying to suck milk from her breasts. FML
Today, I went to my 19 year-old daughter’s apartment when I heard her baby crying. I have a spare key so I opened the door to find her crying in her rocker. I called my daughter and it turns out she went on a weekend to Malibu with her friends and she “left her some milk and a bowl of Cheerios. She’ll be alright.” FML
Today, my sister was concerned that her daughter (my niece) was sick, and hesitant to take her to the ER. I asked if she'd eaten something she shouldn't have, and she replied, "No, especially since we feed her the most healthy food we can." This was fine until I flipped out when she said, "We even give her raw milk so that she'll be strong." FML
Today, I discovered why the milk in my house has a funny, sweet taste. My family has been pouring the leftover milk from their cereal back into the carton. FML
Today, I found out my babysitter has been selling the breastmilk I produce for my baby and replacing it with formula, while still taking my money every week. FML
Today, a senile old lady came up to me and offered me chocolate. I noticed that it was ex-lax, so I politely told her no. My 4-year-old daughter pushed me aside and ate the ex-lax, because she thought it was candy. I now have a stinky child on a 3 hour bus ride, with no stops. FML
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Top comments
LadyIrene 21
I can see why she's your ex-wife
JesusFreak227 15
I'm soy sorry that happened. Also, your ex wife is a bitch
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Comments (53)
iiTzNeeNerz 26
I really hope she stays in your care.
alfalfalaffa 17
Yeah... Lactose intolerance isn't something you can just wish away with the right attitude. If your body can't produce the enzyme lactase, you can't digest lactose. OP, you should get your daughter to take a particularly smelly dump in a paper bag and light it on fire in front of your ex wives house. That'll show her!
thatsme293 28
If she does things like this often I would take serious legal action.
sparkledoge 29
Your ex-wife sounds brilliant.
msmedieval 11
Are you sure your exwife isn't the devil incarnate?? By the way, soy milk isn't very healthy for a girl in that age (or younger), try to find lactofree milk at your local supermarket. I've been happily drinking it for the past few months & it doesn't cause any of the "aftermath" that regular milk does.
sousaphonist 14
For more than one reason, that's sue-for-custody territory
KingKralj 31
But then the mother would win custody because she's female, and she "was trying to help the daughter." Thanks, government
GhostFox 34
I don't think you understand how custody tends to go when both parents are fighting for custody and have equivalent or nearly so resources. When it's that way, there's usually either a preference for the father or for both parents to be equally likely to get custody, depending on location. That said, the mother 'trying to help' would be a strike against her by any sane judge. The mother introduced a substance to her daughter that could have made her terribly ill- and did. That behavior is neglect at best, and abuse more likely.
redheadedmonster 24
Damn! I hope your daughter stays in your care for the foreseeable future and that you suggest your crazy ex-wife learns how to read again. Seriously how can you not know something has expired? Let alone give something to your child with no issue that's obviously not safe for them?
DrowningLessons 19
Murder your ex-wife!!!!!!
Bomben 4
Look at the bright side, could still be married to her
julienharms 12
how does that add to op's situation?
MDoremis 38
I think 22 was going for "could be worse" and picked the wrong saying.
rockeditionbarbi 14
I'm guessing your ex-wife doesn't hold a medical degree?