Today, I'm taking care of my 12-year-old daughter because my ex-wife thought she could cure our daughter's lactose intolerance by sneaking milk into her soy breakfast. The milk had expired. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I saw my mom changing the expiry date on milk. She genuinely thought this would make the milk sour later. FML
Today, I found out my mom put breast milk in my cereal until I was 7 years old. FML
Today, we ran out of milk and my 4 year-old son came up to me and asked if he could "milk" my wife's breasts for his cereal. Apparently, he thinks my wife doesn't love him and his sister is selfish for not sharing her milk. His sister is only one month old. FML
Today, I really wanted something to drink. I looked in the fridge, and found some of my grandma's soy milk. I took a swig, and instead of tasting soy, I tasted something rotten. Turns out my grandma knows I drink her soy milk, so she swapped it with expired chicken broth. FML
Today, I caught my pregnant wife trying to suck milk from her breasts. FML
Today, I went to my 19 year-old daughter’s apartment when I heard her baby crying. I have a spare key so I opened the door to find her crying in her rocker. I called my daughter and it turns out she went on a weekend to Malibu with her friends and she “left her some milk and a bowl of Cheerios. She’ll be alright.” FML
Today, my sister was concerned that her daughter (my niece) was sick, and hesitant to take her to the ER. I asked if she'd eaten something she shouldn't have, and she replied, "No, especially since we feed her the most healthy food we can." This was fine until I flipped out when she said, "We even give her raw milk so that she'll be strong." FML
Today, I discovered why the milk in my house has a funny, sweet taste. My family has been pouring the leftover milk from their cereal back into the carton. FML
Today, I found out my babysitter has been selling the breastmilk I produce for my baby and replacing it with formula, while still taking my money every week. FML
Today, a senile old lady came up to me and offered me chocolate. I noticed that it was ex-lax, so I politely told her no. My 4-year-old daughter pushed me aside and ate the ex-lax, because she thought it was candy. I now have a stinky child on a 3 hour bus ride, with no stops. FML
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Top comments
LadyIrene 21
I can see why she's your ex-wife
JesusFreak227 15
I'm soy sorry that happened. Also, your ex wife is a bitch
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Comments (53)
UserDoesExist 13
Well that was a stupid thing to do. I'm lactose intolerant and can't eat anything with dairy products even in it, the littlest amount of something containing dairy makes my insides feel like their being ripped in half.
PhoenixChick 26
Two wrongs made an extra-wrong. Giving a lactose intolerant child sneaky milk is horrible, giving ANYONE expired milk is horrible. The only way she could have screwed up more is if she just poured the milk on your daughter instead of in the glass.
engineerosaurus 26
That might've actually been better in this instance, given the issues the daughter had as a result of ingesting the stuff.
rfish14 2
You may not be able to fix stupid, but you can numb it with a 2x4
Luzeamus_fml 7
I can see full custody in your future. Well... If you want your daughter to have a future.
Jumbled_Mess 7
Why would you insist on "curing" lactose intolerance when you can have soy/almond/oat milk? Out of sheer conveniance? Maybe we're not meant to drink cow's milk because we're not calfs?
BrotherPhil 35
Maybe OP's wife wanted to "prove" that her daughter wasn't "really" lactose intolerant.
Llama_Face89 34
How are any of those more convenient?
Jumbled_Mess 7
How are they not? Where I live those other kinds of milk are available wherever you can get cow's milk. You don't think it's inconvenient that cows get restrained, raped, and have their babies taken away so that they can be milked for a couple of years only to collapse of exhaustion, have their final fetus ripped from their womb, and their throat slit to bleed out before finally ending up in a dog food can? Because I do.
Mpii 11
Maybe she should take care of her brain intolerance and look up diseases and conditions or talking to a doctor before trying to cure them.
kirkaygri 18
I guess slowly introducing dairy work help the girl if she had a mild allergy, so I can kinda see how one might get an allergy and lactose intolerance mixed up, but I'd expect her MOTHER to have fully researched lactose intolerance and understood that it's not an allergy but an emzyne deficiency.
player20270 32
OP, I'm gluten intolerant and my mother did to me what your ex wife did to your daughter. Honestly, after shaming my mom and pointing out how irresponsible she were, which could've led to much worse consequences, she became very conscious. But the only way to actually protect your daughter is to fight for her custody and prevent her mother to be alone with her.
ChrisPo1992 7
My daughter is the same... And I'm expecting my ex to try this as she also says things like 'she can have it sometimes, it's only a lot of it that effects her' ... Needless to say, a tiny bit makes her ill.
Atmey 5
You can try sneaking expired shit into her food to cure here from her life.