Today, as a flight attendant, I had to deal with a passenger staring at a stewardess constantly and masturbating. His wife was sitting next to him and didn't mind. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was at the airport walking around, killing time. There was a man about twenty years older than me who kept on eyeballing me, and it really wasn't flattering. I get on the plane and guess who I get to sit next to. FML
Today, within the first 15 minutes of a nonstop 8-hour flight, the guy sitting next to me picked an eyelash he found on my face, stared at it for a few seconds, and stuck it in his mouth. FML
Today, while using the bathroom on an airplane, someone walked in on me wiping my butt. That person just so happened to be the stranger I was sitting next to. It was an 8 hour flight. FML
Today, on the airplane, the kid behind me kicked my seat hundreds of times, while the big bald guy next to me farted deadly ones repeatedly. I was on a non-stop 14-hour flight. FML
Today, I was on a flight from Chicago to Minneapolis. A rather attractive young lady sitting next to me fell asleep at the beginning of the flight. About 40 minutes into the flight I noticed my fly was open. The lady woke to me with my hands in my crotch struggling to zip up my fly. FML
Today, I had a several-hour-long flight. I was put in a seat at the very back of the plane. Before the plane even lifted off, a woman took a dump in the bathroom that I stank for the rest of the flight. Whenever I tried to get some sleep, the flight attendant walked past, savagely jostling me. FML
Today, I was supposed to fly home for my dad's funeral, but the woman in the seat next to me was so obese, her bulging flesh left absolutely no way for me to sit in my seat. I complained to the stewardess, who then forced me to leave the plane just for raising my voice in frustration. FML
Today, I was boarding a plane and a woman's bag started to fall. In the spur of the moment I thrust my arm up to catch it. I didn't catch the bag, but I did catch her boob. I had to sit next to her for the rest of the flight. FML
Today, I was on a flight and one of my friends was sitting next to this woman who happened to be sleeping with her mouth wide open. My friend decided to take a picture. While I was editing it, a man sitting behind us said "If you want to take a picture of my girlfriend, wait until she's awake". FML
Today, I was on a three hour flight to Los Angeles for a corporate meeting. The woman next to me instantly fell asleep and snored louder than a freight train, while the kid behind me made a hobby of thashing my seat from behind. When I peered over and asked him to stop, he spat in my face. FML
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Top comments
ragnarok1540 39
Not the kind of beating you expect on a United flight...
RichardPencil 32
Why are you a flight attendant and your coworker is a stewardess? The wife didn’t mind because the more he jerks off, the less he’ll bother her.
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Comments (26)
GhostFox 34
I'm very certain that you can file a police report for public indecency- in fact, it should have been possible to divert the flight, contact the nearest airport and have them have police waiting there, land there and have him removed from the flight for it. Bonus in that his enabling wife would have probably gotten off the plane to try to argue with management about it. I suggest asking your superiors about how to handle the situation in the future, or asking if hat is an appropriate way to handle it. Especially as the overwhelming majority of passengers on the plane would have known what he was doing, and to them it would have looked as if nothing was being done- which means they will probably never use that airline again.
inappropes 31
The five people who downvoted this are public masturbates.
RichardPencil 32
Why are you a flight attendant and your coworker is a stewardess? The wife didn’t mind because the more he jerks off, the less he’ll bother her.
TheHillfam84 7
That's the first thing that stood out to me as well..
raven_of_azarath 35
Maybe OP is a man, and in the business, they don't call them "stewards?"
PenguinPal3017 19
I think they are both flight attendants, he just wanted to point out that it was a woman. I guess people would be curious about whether it was a man or woman he was looking at.
Tripartita 45
“Hey, we’re in an open masturbatory relationship! My husband didn’t mind when I publicly defiled myself on the bus ride with that cute driver, so why should I?”
ragnarok1540 39
Not the kind of beating you expect on a United flight...
RockPrincess26 16
I've never experienced nor witnessed such things. I fly frequently and I use United.
Kitiara521 24
Pick your jargon and stick with it, dude. It's either flight attendants, or steward for men and stewardess for women. /grammarnazi I've never been on a flight where you could see the staff for more than a few seconds at a time. As far as I'm aware, on the flights I've been on, the flight attendants have their own curtained section. Surely, some further action could have been taken to make him stop, like legal charges, as someone else suggested.
raven_of_azarath 35
Also a grammar nazi, and an English major at that. You wouldn't write an essay using the same exact term the whole time. You'd use synonyms. I see nothing wrong with OP switching up the terms. Also, that's not really a grammar thing.
PenguinPal3017 19
Really? Do you only fly a single airline? I was on a Delta flight recently and was in the back row. The flight attendant sat right beside me, so close that she saw the game I was playing on my phone and asked me about it.
angrybear65 2
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
This is definitely fake
Lobby_Bee 18
Are you sure he was masterbaiting? He could be drying a dish under the blanket.
RockPrincess26 16
Masturbating*
Glowworm56 27
Oh the wife did mind. It's just not legal to toss your husband out an open plane window.
ThrottleJockey 36
Stupid laws, ruining all the fun.
onceuponatime456 16
No you didn't!
PenguinPal3017 19
Masturbating on an airplane? I thought ever since 9/11 people got all sensitive and made it illegal.
RockPrincess26 16
I love Due Date.
DanielleinDC 34
Too bad nobody could "accidentally on purpose" spilled something on the guy. But people have been thrown off flights for less.