Today, I hid my credit card from myself so I wouldn't use it. Now I can't find it. FML

Today, I pulled out a book and my bookmark fell out. My crush picked it up and a weird look came across his face. I then realized I had used toilet paper. Now I'm the girl who reads while taking dumps. FML

Today, I found out that someone found my lost library card, and instead of returning it, took out multiple items. If they don't return them, I'm on the hook to paying over $100 for them. FML

Today, I went to the park to read “The Book Thief”. I fell asleep and when I woke up, my book was gone. FML

Today, I went to my university bookstore and tried to use my debit card to pay, but got the "Insufficient Funds" notification. I was buying a single postage stamp, which costs 57 cents. FML

Double down

Today, I forgot my library book on a bench then I got on a bus, so I got off at the next stop and walked back to get it. I arrived just in time to see some guy pick it up and hop on another bus. So now I'm not on the bus I needed, and I have to pay for the book. FML

Today, I went to have a drink with my friend. On the way I withdrew 20 bucks and when I arrived at the bar I realised I had taken my credit card but not the banknote. FML

Today, I found a gift card under my bed that I lost a few months ago for $400 to a store that went out of business last week. FML

Today, I found my diary on my mother's nightstand. Bookmarked. FML

Today, I went to the local used books store to sell all my college textbooks. I spent several hundred dollars on them in total. I ended up walking out of the shop a pathetic $3.50 richer. FML