Today, I jokingly told my mom that I was having sex with my Professor. Her response was, "As long as you're getting A's, honey!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, in one of the corridors at university, I was pretending to have passionate sex with one of my lecturers to make my mates laugh. She happened to walk by just at that moment. She reminded me when my next exam is; she will be marking me. FML
Today, the principal of my school asked me if I had practice. Knowing he's gullible, I said yes. I came home to find him and my mom having sex. FML
Today, I was bitching to my mom on the phone about the long, boring paper assignment my Lit professor gave us. Right after saying, "That woman needs to get laid" I heard laughter behind me. I turned around. Hello professor, just on my way to drop the course. FML
Today, while at a grocery store, I told my mom I had some good news. She exclaimed, "You finally got a boyfriend?!" No mom, just an A on my math test. FML
Today, at my job as a second grade teacher, I was explaining to my students how I'm pregnant and will have to take a break from teaching after I have my baby. One of my students replied with "Ooooooooohhh Ms. Johnson had sex!" FML
Today, I got a 95 on my term project. To congratulate me, my boyfriend said we're having sex tonight. I only get laid if I get good grades. FML
Today, my mom shrieked in horror and burst into hysterical tears when I casually mentioned I was having sex. I've been married for three years. My wife and I have sex. Deal with it. FML
Today, I was joking to mom that at the rate I’m going I’ll have to start an OnlyFans to afford college next year. She shrugged like it was nothing because apparently prostitution got her through college and bought her her first house before she accidentally got pregnant with me. Um, WHAT? FML
Today, my Mom found out that I've been intimate with one of my best friends in the past. We used protection, it never went anywhere, and we ended it amicably, but she still gave me a huge lecture. Later, she high-fived and congratulated him. FML
Today, I went to the doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.' FML
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Top comments
mariasaur 0
I have a feeling she was responding with a joke.
bumverb 0
sorry, that's hilarious
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Comments (62)
wafflemonger 0
Love it. Your mom sounds awesome.
ODEEZY 0
At least she cares about your grades
Minzy_Boy 0
You're mom sounds pretty cool haha. Now what would seriously make this a FML is if it went like this. Today, I jokingly told my Mom that I was having sex with my Professor. Her response was, "Has he gotten any better?" ... FML
merv243 0
Sounds like a fricking awesome mom.
mylifesuxass 0
that teacher is probably your dad, oh shit!
PrincessCastiel 27
Wtf?
kbtoys 2
That's definitely something my stepdad would say to me. Then again, he did tell me once "I don't care what you do, as long as you don't get knocked up." C'est la vie.
Heatstreak 0
lol ur mom's awsome GG haha
xRedNormandyx 0
omg... that is exactly ehat my mom would say. that my friend is hilarious
Lovebug9 0
Not ******. Your mom sounds like a funny lady. You do what you have to do.
Tacilin92 0
your mum = legend