Today, I had to leave my one-night stand in my flat because I was giving a guest lecture at the local university. Halfway through, I hear someone sneaking in so I jokingly asked if they had a 'wild night out.' It was the guy I slept with. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my one-night stand decided he wanted to meet my parents. FML
Today, I had a one-night stand. After holding in my farts all night, as you should, I decided enough was enough and tried to calmly let one slip out. One did not calmly slip out; instead I shat myself in her bed. I was naked at the time, so was unable to hide it. FML
Today, I heard a knock on my door and, thinking it was my student adviser, opened it. I was greeted by a drunk girl, who pushed her way into my dorm room, informed me that she lived here last year, and then told me that she lost her virginity in my bed. FML
Today, I went to a party and crashed on the bedroom floor. I woke up to sex noises coming from the bed. I pretended to still be asleep. I sent a text to my boyfriend to tell him about it. I heard his phone beep from over in the bed. FML
Today, I got back to my hotel at the same time as my supervisor and realized we had rooms right next to each other. I thought it was funny and said good night to him… only to remember that I had slept with HIS boss last night. We were not quiet. FML
Today, I woke up in my roommate's bed. Apparently, the previous night I sleep-walked into her room, layed on her bed, and fell asleep. In the middle of her and her boyfriend having sex. He's now going around saying he slept with both of us. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of someone having sex in the room next to me. I don't have a roommate. Turns out my mom thought I was out of town and used her extra key to bring a guy over for sex. FML
Today, I learned that what happens in Vegas doesn't always stay in Vegas. This includes my one night stand who turned up outside my front door with a suitcase in her hand. FML
Today, I tried to have a fun night out. I met a guy and we went back to "his" place, which turned out to actually be his mother's house. He introduced me to her. Two hours later, I knew his life story and had to do the walk of shame without ever getting anywhere near his bedroom. FML
Today, as I arrived at my house after a two week holiday, I opened the door and heard footsteps upstairs. I went up and found my boyfriend naked in bed. We had great sex. Afterwards I found my best friend naked in the wardrobe. Turns out they'd also had great sex. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
What the hell were you thinking leaving a stranger in your flat? While you were gone, he could have tripped over your cat, stolen your cake, and emptied your apartment! Dumbass.
ClickMyPicture 0
LOL! It must be fate ♥
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Comments (91)
FatGuyLover 0
how sure are you?
Luckysam1984 0
How stupid are you to leave someone you dont know alone in your house? You deserve that for asking that question.
Luckysam1984 0
* asking if anyone had a wild night.
dudeitsdanny 10
Your "rondaeveuz" made me vomit, and i'm only a beginner in French..
hahoon11 0
anus
Mark83 0
Damn, there's a lot of uptight judgemental people in here.. "YDI for enjoying your life and having a great night with a guy".. I don't know if people are just jealous or if you just hate everyone that doesn't have your (probably religous) views on life.. I say keep living OP!
Mark83 0
Oh, and by the way.. Some of us lives in countries, where you can actually trust other people..
dudeitsdanny 10
Like where? There's thieves everywhere. I'd love to live in a place where I can trust a stranger.
Taipan_fml 0
Yeahhh, people who think that banging everything with a pulse is a bad idea aren't all religious nuts. Most are just smart. You really think the people who practice safe sex and/or don't sleep around a lot are the ones that contribute to the spread of STIs...? Also, leaving a stranger in your home is stupid no matter where you live.
falluke17 0
sphincter
xxstacyxx 0
ha ha I bet he didn't recognize you *wink wink *
fml_as_usual 0
lol. Turns out being a ***** has consequences. YDI. That being said, i really dig that you're a ***** that gives university lectures, sounds intelligent, which is hot.
AwesomeWillv1 0
YDI. But I'm not here to judge... *****.