Today, I had the sudden urge to sneeze as I was wiping my ass. Out of instinct, I used my hand to cover my mouth. I never let go of the toilet paper. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I used the last of the toilet paper to blow my nose while taking a dump. FML
Today, I was holding in pee because i was so busy at work. When I finally got up to relieve myself, I pulled down my pants, sneezed at that exact moment and peed all over the bathroom floor. FML
Today, I tried to stifle a sneeze while on the train and instead shat myself a little bit. FML
Today, I went to the toilet to do a number 2. As I went to wipe, the toilet paper slipped out of my hand and I before my brain could register, I wiped my ass with my bare hand.. I also had curry the night before, so yeah. FML
Today, as I was trying to get into the grocery store, I had a sneezing fit. I've typically never had one, so I didn't really know how to handle it. This one was a new record: 11 sneezes and I hadn't had the foresight to bring tissues. FML
Today, I was in a meeting with my boss and some new clients when I sensed that I was about to sneeze. I tried to hold it in, but ended up sneezing AND farting. FML
Today, after just waking up, I sneezed, which caused me to piss myself. FML
Today, I was at a restaurant for a quite important business lunch. I really had to go to the bathroom, but there was a queue to the only stall in the whole place, so I decided to just "hold it" and power through. Half an hour later, I sneezed and… didn’t exactly hold it in anymore. I had to excuse myself and leave the restaurant early. FML
Today, I sneezed and peed myself while working out at the gym. FML
Today, I was in a meeting when I felt a sneeze coming on. I tried to hold it in to avoid making a noise. Instead, I ended up sneeze-imploding so hard that I accidentally farted at the same time. The entire room went silent. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
Congrats on getting shitfaced without taking a single drink! Your liver thanks you.
intensitive 11
That's quite nasty.
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Comments (194)
perdix 31
Congrats on getting shitfaced without taking a single drink! Your liver thanks you.
StaticDown 0
Hahaha!
iSwag 0
I kinda had a feeling that if somebody beat me to that comment it was going to be you OP- wow I hope nobody tried to kiss you right after that
cefarix 5
Yet another reason I don't use toilet paper. Not only does it leave you unclean down there, it also uncleans up here.
PayneTrain585 0
what do you use then?
DarkJoy_fml 5
Ewwww I think you might be more gross than the OP, unless you use a Bidet then Gross!
78eugeg78 0
then what do you use if not toilet paper?
Redneck325Ci 0
If I'm anywhere in my house, there is no toilet paper. It's called a Kohler C3 toilet seat that washes your ass for you and dries it with nice warm air.(although you can change the temperature)
evan40111 0
Indian?
shoutdrive 0
Oh s*** that sucks.
VittiChan 2
eeeek woops ahaha
wonderboy1 0
hahahahaha thats disgusting
Spaceghost77 0
I never knew one could brown nose themselves, I always thought it had be a move carfully executed on a superior, good work!
ben44_fml 0
haha touché that's awesome
logieebearr 0
that's diguesting you just wiped your face with your piss or even your own shit considering you said "wipe my ass" yaaa definality fyl,you should of held it in lol
CYNNER 0
Ha ha. shit happens. you must have been smelling that for a while
teiso_fml 0
Eeew! FYL! That's why you wipe with your left hand, or, if you're left-handed, your right hand.