Today, I had a terrible nightmare involving zombies slashing and eating at my face. I woke up in terror and urine, and found the slashing was very real: it was my cat pawing my face for me to feed him. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, before I went to bed, I watched a terrifying movie with zombies. I woke up with a headache, a bloody nose, and my mom standing over me frantically asking me what was wrong. Apparently I had been "fighting the zombies off" in my sleep and had been punching myself in the face. FML
Today, my cat head-butted me awake as usual. I reached to pet him, but it wasn't his face I touched. It was the still-twitching corpse of the disemboweled rat he held in his jaws. FML
Today, I woke up to my cat slowly dragging her paw across my face. I opened my eyes to see a bloody mouse dangling an inch from my face. It was still twitching. FML
Today, it was my first time sleeping at my boyfriend’s house. I happened to have an incredibly realistic nightmare in which I woke up to thousands of centipedes crawling all over my body. My boyfriend got to watch me scream and slap myself repeatedly. FML
Today, I turned over in my sleep and fell out of bed, face-first into a puddle of cold cat vomit that my cat had left for me. FML
Today, I had a horrific nightmare where I was lost in the woods and got mauled to death by a hungry wolf. I fully blacked out in the dream before waking up in real life, at 3AM, where I found that my room was pitch black because I forgot to open the curtains. I genuinely thought I was dead for about five seconds. FML
Today, I woke up suddenly with giant bugs biting my legs. I screamed, ripped the blanket off the bed and bolted to the bathroom to recover. Turns out it was all a dream, and the person who needed to recover most was my shell-shocked boyfriend who had been sleeping soundly beside me. Sorry, babe. FML
Today, I woke up at 3 a.m. to my cat biting my face. This isn’t the first time this has happened. I’m pretty sure if I die in my sleep, she’ll eat me. FML
Today, I was lying in bed with my cat. I must have looked at him the wrong way or something, because he hissed and savagely clawed at my face without warning. FML
Today, I was putting the cat outside. He wouldn't go, so I kicked him. Then I woke up to my husband screaming. I’d been dreaming, and the "cat" I kicked was his family jewels. FML
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Top comments
FMLemur 4
Nothing better than being woken up by a pussy I always say.
DocBastard 40
I'm confused - was the urine yours, or did the car pee on you to wake you? "Dammit, wake up and feed me! No? Well then I'll pee on your head. Wake up!! Still not up? That's it, here come the claws of death!!"
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Comments (100)
subversivefreak 2
Cat Power!
subversivefreak 2
My puppy used to paw my face and then pee on the floor if I didn't wake up in time. I woke up to put my feet on smelly, damp floors. So I learnt to wake up to her. That's an example of a reverse Pavlov, I think :)
NakedPixels 15
Wait, did you wake up in your cat's urine, or your own?
xxmrxx13 0
And that's the reason why I'm not gonna have a cat!
withered 30
It's not the cats that are the problem - it's the owners who put zero effort in the cat's training.
SpruceDread4578 13
I ******* hate cats.
THE_A_TEEN 28
Thanks for the info, bro. Now, give me your address so I can give you your present.
anthonydude 9
I see your suffering from The walking dead withdrawal. No worries, it will be back on in like October.
MrMustangg 0
I'll bet you just fed it. You are your cat's bitch. I hate people complaining about cats and doing nothing. You don't know how to raise a pet.
bigtime_rocker 11
Lesson: Don't get a cat, kids!
abhsc 1
Cats suck.
herpaderpy 0
Same thing happened to me, except instead of a cat it was my boyfriend and his friend beating eachother's asses in a violent manner as i was sleeping due to a foul game of Gears of War. Needless to say I ended up awake, grumpy with two hours of sleep, a bloody nose, and two immature guys on either side of me not talking until the other admitted they lost.