Today, I got punched in the face after a stranger asked for a light, didn't realize it was a butane lighter and burnt the tip of his nose lighting his cigarette. Now my nose looks worse than his. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, as I was walking home late at night, some asshole threw a lit cigarette butt out of their balcony. It fell between my glasses and my eye and left a burn mark on my cheek. FML
Today, a man in a hurry asked me for a light. Not being able to find my lighter amongst the muddle inside my handbag, I handed him my lit cigarette so he could light his. He took it from me, started smoking it and walked off. FML
Today, I burned my nose. How? I tried sniffing a lit candle. FML
Today, while lighting a cigar, I set my beard on fire. FML
Today, I was sitting next to my friend as he blew out the candles on his birthday cake. Some asshole got the bright idea to shove his face in the cake, but they missed and pushed me in instead. The candles were still lit. My hair caught fire. FML
Today, I was refilling my lighter. Afterwards, I gave it a test light. I must've spilled some fluid because my thumb caught on fire. FML
Today, I got punched in the face, had hair ripped out of my skull and broke a tooth on the pavement when I fell. Some guy mistook me for someone else. FML
Today, while sitting at a red light with my window down, the asshat next to me flicked his still-lit cigarette away. It landed in my car and wedged between me and my seat. It burned a hole in my shirt and my seat, and burned my back and hair. FML
Today, my boyfriend was telling me about accidentally punching his best friend in the face. As he was acting it out he ended up punching me and giving me a bloody nose. FML
Today, while playing with a lighter, I jokingly told my boyfriend I would burn his mustache off. He responded by telling me he would burn off mine. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
You know what bugs me? People who ask a question and then answer it themselves.
lelo007 11
It seems so many people jump straight into violence these days over the smallest matters, it's just ridiculous. I hope he at least apologized after being an ass, and also that your nose heals quickly!
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Comments (68)
GothickNihilist 15
File assault charges OP, also maybe go to the ER to have the bones reset so you don't end up with other problems .
edwardmammoth 1
Ya be a pussy like this person suggested.
DocBastard 40
You know what bugs me? People who ask a question and then answer it themselves.
mfischer 17
That's almost as bad as statements that end with question marks?
BunchieRules 31
And comma splices, I really hate those.
gc327072 31
And run on sentences with no punctuation so like I was saying when people do things like that it bugs me like a lot.
BeccaHugs 17
Or wen ppl type 2 u lyke dis nd expect u 2 reply to their msg.
mfischer 17
Alan, Doc's comment was rather fitting with the way the FML was originally worded.
anythingmustbe 18
I am guessing he burned up with anger. To bad he couldn't keep nose clean and keep himself under control. Well its a good thing you didn't laugh as you might have added fuel to the fire. Well hopefully you can make light of it.
insomniac8400 13
this doesn't make sense. the only other option for a lighter is naphtha, and the flame from that goes just as high if not higher than a butane lighter... I can only assume op meant a torch lighter
vtatran_fml 1
You deserve IT : 1.- Do not talk to stranger. 2.- do not smoke !
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
Thanks, mom.
SoylentCandycorn 10
Don't be a douche is another lesson my mother taught me, but yours apparently didn't teach you.
cristy91 33
Everyone is a stranger at some point and it's safe to talk to them, just be smart about it and don't go off telling everyone all your personal info after hello.
Igloolik 9
I don't understand. What did he think the lighter was? Every lighter I've ever seen was butane.
fgwrxfiend 11
I think he meant it was a torch lighter
Fuhkyoo 17
what difference does it make in a nose burning situation? if op gave him a torch light id imagine he would just burn his nose twice as bad.
martin_martian7 11
Smoking is bad
mercsl65 7
Your name is chinois mic. I hope u r not a marine and let that happen
Metallica36176 16
Note to self: Next time, HAND them the lighter and let them make a fool out of themselves and hopefully that won't hold you responsible. Next Note to Self: Carry an extra lighter because 75%-80% of the time the person who you hand the lighter to will pocket it subconsciously...or purposely.
Nath1G 4
Wow, its a good job you didn't take him literally and shine some sort of torch in his face.. Although I would of preferred his reaction to that.