Today, I got home with my 3 best friends in tow, only to find my husband fast asleep on the sofa, porn playing on his laptop, his boxers around his ankles, and a sticky white mess all down his thigh. I am so beyond mortified I can’t adequately describe how embarrassed I am. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my wife has video of me asleep on the sofa, clearly having a vivid sex dream, with a raging erection, ending with me having an orgasm that soaked through the front of my shorts, leaving a wet spot, which she helpfully zoomed in on just to really illustrate my shame. FML
Today, I came home and walked into my living room to see my roommate passed out naked, porn autoplaying on the living room TV, a killed 12-case of beer, and dried jizz all over the couch from God knows how many loads. “I thought you were coming home tomorrow,” he said. At least the sofa is leather. FML
Today, I got home horny as all ready to jump my husband, until I saw him asleep in his armchair with his gut hanging out his belt, his dinner down his vest, no pants on, and scratching his balls in his sleep. I’m no longer horny. FML
Today, my husband walked in, lit a cigarette, burped, farted, opened two beers at once, then sat down in his armchair in his boxers to watch anime. My three best friends sat on the sofa thought it was hilarious while I was mortified. FML
Today, I was looking through my husband's phone and saw porn. I was so upset and immediately collapsed to the floor crying, feeling like I'd been punched. He called me a "giant drama queen" and said he needed the release. FML
Today, I discovered a bunch of porn on my husband's laptop, cartoon stuff with rabbit girls and monsters with octopus tentacles, I felt physically sick and I don’t think I can stomach being married to him anymore. It was disgusting FML
Today, I got home and found my husband, naked with an erection and my panties on his face like a mask. He claimed to be the Panty Bandit there to plunder my booty. I might have indulged his insanity and had sex with him were my mom and dad not right behind me in the doorway. FML
Today, my husband invited 20 of his friends over, no discussion, just 20 strangers in my house. I got mad and went upstairs to our bedroom, which has an en suite shower. I got naked, and yet another dude came out of our en suite and walked right past my bare ass while I screamed. FML
Today, my boyfriend learned about my filthy fetishes in the worst way possible. He found me naked in the bathroom, licking the dirty toilet seat. I couldn't even make an excuse. FML
Today, my husband returned from being away for two weeks. I eagerly got myself ready and sent him a risqué picture so he would come to bed. An hour later, he's on the couch playing Xbox with the message already seen. FML
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Top comments
user53658 15
It looks like your husband is short on sleep and sex.
user53658 15
Did you wake him while your friends were still around? If you did, then it was probably even more embarrassing for him then for you.
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Comments (36)
Jr Malvitz 15
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
If you was home im sure it's safe to say that wouldn't of happened
interesting33 37
It sounds like you're blaming OP for seeing her friends? Which sounds out of order based on what we know.
EmDizzle2007 28
**** who disagrees. there's a lot of truth to that statement.
user53658 15
Did you wake him while your friends were still around? If you did, then it was probably even more embarrassing for him then for you.
candid_bandit 9
That would be a lesson 🤣
user53658 15
It looks like your husband is short on sleep and sex.
Donut_Wizard 23
And that’s when you and your friends found sharpies and drew dicks all over him.
raven_of_azarath 35
Ejaculating dicks, right?
RichardPencil 32
You made him wait too long for the fivesome!!!
itisme_fml 9
That’s why you call up your husband (or any housemate for that matter) before bringing in friends. People should be able to relax in their own house, and not worry about being ready to receive guests at all times!
hellphone_fml 37
there's relaxing, like sleeping naked, and there's being gross. I mean at least clean it up
mekiswrite 21
Sure there's common courtesy, but who does that in the LIVING ROOM? That's what a BEDROOM is for...
raven_of_azarath 35
If someone goes out with friends, there’s always a possibility they’ll all come back to the house.
PhoenixChick 26
It's the wife's home too. She shouldn't have to call home to ask permission to bring friends over. A living room is a shared space. If he'd done that in the bedroom, fine. But if anyone's idea of being comfortable at home is passed out on the living room couch covered in cum...you might consider being a little less comfortable. I mean, as a wife, even coming home alone to this sight would have been pretty embarassing. Chimps have better manners. Living with someone does imply a certain amount of decorum at all times. Like ******** with the door shut, or cleaning up your spoog.
CalB22 6
The thing is it’s not about calling for permission but calling to let the person know so they can make themselves decent, like clean up the cum and pull up their boxers
CalB22 6
The thing is it’s not about calling for permission but calling to let the person know so they can make themselves decent, like clean up the cum and pull up their boxers
bigdaddyeric 37
Change the **** to Gay **** then take a Pic showing him with face, ****, dried cum and Gay **** on and wake him up and you will own his world!!
Cody Vertigo Bonthoux 15
i would be frying pan pissed. whachaahhh!!!!
Goatstookallusernames 5
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
this is a lie post. semen dries in to a translucent layer in minutes... its not infused with oil to stay "wet" and definitely not white. white color from sperm disappears in seconds as they die. and no man falls asleep with pants at ankles after fapping.
Mungolikecandy 19
You certainly know semen well.
Yummi_913 18
You're right about the cum, but lots of people snooze if they had a pretty good session. It's not uncommon. Even with sex it's easy to pass out with your partner straight after. Clothing around ankles and everything. It just needs to be THAT good.
smacked back 4 4
wow