Today, I got an email from the company that manages my cat's microchip informing me that I had to update my information that had been entered by the local Humane Society. Apparently, they listed my cat "Coral" as the owner, and me as the pet. To change it, they needed the cat's signature. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I took my dog to the vet and waited in the lobby while filling out a form. The receptionist asked for his name, so I wrote it down and handed it over. She looked at the form and asked, “Is that your name or his?” I'd accidentally written my own name. FML
Today, I received a lovely letter from the council telling me I have to cease the act of "breeding and selling cats" because someone from my Facebook reported me. I'm pretty sure I've never owned a cat or had one in my house. FML
Today, I was sent a letter by the vet, saying my cat was late for her yearly checkup. My cat died last week and I'd had her cremated by the same people who had sent the letter. FML
Today, I was informed that due to my cat being aggressive and attacking the postman several times, my mail would no longer be delivered to my address. I don't own a cat. FML
Today, my wife brought home a kitten, telling me it had been abandoned. She must think I’m dumb, since our credit card statement shows that all last week she bought it from a breeder, then got it vaccinated and chipped at the vet's, and only now brought it home to feed me this pack of lies. FML
Today, I found out that my cat, that I've had for 3 years, is actually my neighbor's missing cat. FML
Today, my neighbor let me know that they've been taking care of my cats while I was away, including letting them in and out of my house. I don't own a cat. FML
Today, I took my cat to the vet for a regular check-up. In the waiting room, she escaped from her carrier and created chaos, knocking over supplies, and hissing at everyone. FML
Today, I found out my cat is allergic to ME. No kidding. FML
Today, my door broke. My normally reclusive, antisocial cat, who runs and hides at the slightest noise, decided to come out and get friendly with the maintenance man. Now I owe a huge fee and my rent is increasing for having a pet I’m not supposed to have. FML
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Top comments
x0stormbringer 0
well have the cat sign it then
Flymeister 3
LOL
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Comments (164)
wowwxurcool 0
That's pretty funny :D
wiserman 0
ydi for owning a cat. or rather, the allowing a cat to own you. cats suck :)
atvarela 0
so have the cat sign the paper?
life_sucks_bad 0
ha your cat owns you! cats these days huh..?
lolwatlol 0
Thats pretty accurate if you ask me... silly humans thinking they own cats...
hydro_fml 0
Be careful, your cat could get you fixed!
pentameter 0
You have no sense of humor. If you ever grow one, take this to MLIA. We'd love it.
sj1990 0
In Soviet Russia, cat pets you!
Witchcraft_fml 5
Those jokes are getting really old and lame, but it would have made a lot more sense if you had used "owns" instead of "pets", since that's the story of the FML. That's talent. You ruined an already-crappy joke.
lolwatlol 0
In soiviet Russia old and lame is you!
plexico 4
You could take a chance and forge it, but don't get caught. You could be punished by being pussy-whipped.
DoomJeff91 2
Anti-Plexico?
Intoxicunt 6
Plexico's pseudo-imitator, actually. But they both know no one is going to compare to plexi. Although, it IS a little annoying for someone to put up a pic like plexi's after noticing the object of their obsession is more interesting in plexi. Kind uncool.
redbluegreen 41
Sometimes, I'm really happy I'm not cool or pretty enough to have many fakes/imitators. There is one on this site though that won't go away that's really annoying, but they aren't close enough to get deleted. Humf!
Intoxicunt 6
Awww. You're just too awesome, so they know they can't imitate you accurately. It would be like a hobo imitating the Queen of England. :) I can imitate her though, and do a decent job. Hehe.
redbluegreen 41
Ahahahaha, thank you. XD
Witchcraft_fml 5
I assume you're talking about redblueviolet, right? I've seen her around, not all that often though.
redbluegreen 41
I didn't think of them, but it bugs me too. There's redbluegreendot. And there's like a few others. One got banned I think? Like they had some weird text variation. There's redblueyelow I think. Oh, and yes, I do realize color combinations becoming usernames isn't all that original, but it's still annoying to see it. And there is a band actually called RedBlueGreen, so I know I didn't just invent it on the spot. Maybe that's just me being a bit of a freak, but whatever. Sometimes it's just a little too... Close. It's not like they copied my first and last name. Although everyone thinks my last name is a stage name. Fucktwats they are, with 'real' last names. XD
plexico 4
(#65) Garsh, redbluegreen, you make me blush. I've never thought of myself as pretty, but coming from someone as pretty as you, I'll just say "thank you." Having an impostor is just SOOOO fulfilling! I remember when I was a little boy thinking how great it would be to shave. After shaving about three or four times, I remember thinking, "Why the **** did I want to do this?!" Handling impostors is like that, except the crack staff at FML do a wonderful job of handling the problem quickly and efficiently. I always have to think about your name, because with my background in computers, I've always known the primary colors in red, green, blue order.
redbluegreen 41
Hahahaha. Welcome. (; I've actually had my twin change it, so that when we talk, he says "rbg" just for me. I didn't even notice it till a while back. Does this subliminally mean I want to be an important part in everyone's life?
Witchcraft_fml 5
Could have fooled me, mistercoffee. Every time I see a post from you, you're talking about Intoxicunt. On the bright side, at least you're important enough to have an imposter, Redbluegreen. :P I'm envious. :] Although yeah, it would be annoying.
redblueviolet 0
Oh, crap. xD When I made the username I seriously didn't realize there was a redbluegreen - I'm just unoriginal. I swear to God. *ducks for cover*
redbluegreen 41
Ahahaha, I think you're okay, maybe. Redbluegreendot just freaks me out. I'm like... why?! It tells you it's been taken! I've been around way too long on FML. Way too long. I notice these things now. I'll put my name in search on an FML to find my comments, and like, three names pop up that aren't mine. That's creepy.
redbluegreen 41
I'd feel a little better if you put an icon up though. Hahaha.
tina_xox 0
lol ahaha omg rly FYL thats just sad