Today, I fractured my finger setting up a rat trap. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Jerry wins again
Today, I failed a basic intelligence test when the mouse trap I was setting up snapped on my thumb. Later, when I checked the trap I saw that the mouse had managed to lick all the bait off the trap without being caught, I have a sore thumb and was outsmarted by a rodent. FML
Spooky
Today, I set up a mouse trap to kill the rodent plaguing my kitchen. While lying in bed, I heard an unmistakable snap, and ran to see what I'd caught. The mouse trap was missing. I now have a large, angry, and possibly dying animal running around my house. FML
Today, I set a trap to catch a mouse that ran across my foot. Not only did the trap shut on my finger twice, but I watched the mouse run over the trap without it snapping shut. I guess I have a new roommate. FML
What? How? Why?
Today, I smashed my finger with a hammer. A finger on the hand holding the hammer. FML
Ouch
Today, I was cleaning out the crawlspace and set a mousetrap off with my testicles. FML
Carly Rae Jepsen
Today, I was setting up a rat trap at the kitchen table and had just gotten it set when my phone rang. I foolishly leaned over to grab my phone, brushed against the trap, and it snapped closed on my nipple. I wasn’t wearing a bra so that thing grabbed my nipple hard and didn’t let go. FML
Dumb, but relatable
Today, I hit my toe against a table. Out of frustration, I kicked the table and broke my little toe. FML
Today, I dropped my remote behind the bed and went to reach for it. Instead of the remote, I grabbed hold of a rat carcass that must have got in when builders were working in my bathroom several weeks ago. FML
Today, at 9 o’clock in the morning while I was working, I made the mistake of being comfortable with a machine that literally bends and breaks steel bars. I lost my entire middle finger and the top third of my pinky and ring fingers. FML
Today, during a workplace safety exercise at work, I managed to cut off the tip of my thumb. FML
Top comments
mspoutylips 8
Oh the irony.
StoryOfTheYear 15
19- Give 1 a break. He's a purple ostrich with an identity crisis. He's got far more important things on his mind than proper grammar.
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Comments (151)
suavesuave 2
Haha rat's
boofgall 16
Really, a rat trap?
FYLDeep 26
I'd say that you should rethink what type of mousetrap you're using, but I know that the traditional, easy-to-set-off, spring loaded kind still work the best out of all of them.
StoryOfTheYear 15
I think OP just needs to drink more milk.
FYLDeep 26
That's interesting, because the countries that consume the most milk have the highest rates of osteoporosis. But I'm sure the dairy lobby has led most people to believe otherwise.
StoryOfTheYear 15
But.. But....... Tony Hawk said milk builds strong bones!
FYLDeep 26
They do have the money to buy pretty much whoever they want. In all honesty, the cancer causing property of the casein protein in milk is probably a lot more alarming than the osteoporosis statistic. And with all the hormones they give the cows nowadays leaching into the milk, should you really be consuming it anyway? I sort of had to give milk up as I became lactose intolerant over the years, and to be honest, after learning more about it, I don't really miss it.
StoryOfTheYear 15
Eh. I like to make an attempt to eat healthy, but in the end I know I'll never avoid everything that's unhealthy. I mean hell for all we know oxygen could be a toxin that takes about 70-80 years to kill a human (jokes). I'll eat how I want, when I want. You can laugh at me when I'm dead. :P
FYLDeep 26
Ah, that's so sweet. I'll have you know that I laugh at you already though.
StoryOfTheYear 15
The joke was funny then? Yes? No? .....
FYLDeep 26
I'll leave that to the FML users to decide via the thumbs. I have to warn you though, many of the preceding comments made here contained a lot of science and reason. Knowing from experience, the common folk around here don't take too kindly to that type of stuff.
DelphiCat 17
ok, so the absorption of calcium is a very complicated subject that i'm not going to get into, but the RDA of calcium is 700mg, you have to be getting SIGNIFICANTLY more than that (at least 4x) before it starts messing with your bones and increasing your chances of osteoporosis. There is 300mg in a glass of milk. Also, LACK of calcium, particularly when still growing, is much more detrimental to overall bone growth than too much, largely because the more you damage your bones when younger, the weaker they are and the more likely you are to have arthritis etc. when older. - so essentially you wouldn't get osteoporosis but you'd still be screwed!
FYLDeep 26
Google "milk osteoporosis" and you'll find a shit ton of websites that explain this issue better than I could.
StoryOfTheYear 15
Well, what I think actually would be a bigger factor to the "more milk=osteoporosis" argument is not really the OD on the calcium/other ingredients in milk, but what goes along with having readily available supplies of milk. I've heard caffeine and smoking do horrors to your body's storage of calcium. Going off of that, in some countries like, for example, Togo there is generally not a storage of milk to just take large quantities from, but how many of those same people in that situation are smoking a cigarette with a Mountain Dew Code Red in their other hand? Correct me if I'm wrong with my abstract thinking though, I'm just thinking off the top of my head. Gah! I'm going to stop talking. I'm getting too sciencey....
Isoldael 27
#52 - actually, oxygen (indirectly) causes aging (of the dna, it gets shorter over time) and will kill you if you don't die of other causes. So your joke wasn't even really a joke.
DelphiCat 17
i understand HOW too much calcium can increase osteoporosis rates, all i'm saying is too little calcium is equally, if not more damaging(as it ***** you up when you're young which is when you're ment to be healthy), and you should be careful not to scare monger people out of getting enough! That said, milk is by no means the only source of calcium (clearly or vegans would be screwed) so if you wish not to drink milk that's fine, just make sure you still get your calcium! sources include: # Green leafy vegetables: spring greens, kale, broccoli, parsley. (It is important to note that spinach is not a good source of calcium. It is high in calcium, but the calcium is bound to oxalates and therefore poorly absorbed) # Fortified foods such as soya milk # White flour (as calcium is added by law) and white flour products # Calcium-set tofu # Oranges # Ground sesame seeds (tahini) (The calcium content is high but variable and absorption of calcium from tahini is not proven so tahini should not be relied upon as a main source) # Figs and black molasses # Drinking hard water can provide 200mg of calcium daily, although soft water contains almost none
docscientist 10
Honestly, I don't know about milk, there are a number of studies with new findings, conflicting reports that it is difficult to weigh the pros and cons. I do know however that the dairy lobby was powerful enough to convince their way into getting their own group on the old food pyramid, which was ridiculous, so I'm sure there is debunking to do.
WordSmyth 2
When you're young, you more than likely get enough calcium from your mother during the crucial years. Thereafter I don't see it as necessary, much like we get a lot of our water from other indirect sources like fruits the same could be said for calcium. After all you don't see animals suckling down milk after they are nearly full-grown and they have some of the strongest bones of any of us. Just look at horses or oxen for example.
DelphiCat 17
Only if you breastfeed until you are 18. Does that seem likely?
diidiimi 10
Actually, all this is moot in the face of the latest research on vitamin d (which is actually a hormone produced as a reaction to the sun hitting our skin). If you don't have enough d in your system you're not going to absorb calcium, no matter how much of it you do or don't consume in whatever form. The body then begins to leach calcium from the bones. Low vitamin d has been associated with diabetes and heart disease as well as early onset osteoporosis and most stress and anxiety conditions. Eeeee.....
FYLDeep 26
I wasn't going to but I guess I'll chime in again. Milk isn't going to hurt you because it has "too much calcium". It's because it's a piss poor source of magnesium, and when you consume too much of the protein and fat in milk, it creates an acidic state in your body. This is then compensated by your body removing minerals from your bones to neutralize the acid and restore the pH. There's a lot of theories that say it should work one way or the other. When you actually look at the numbers of who is getting osteoporosis and who isn't, it's clear that the people consuming milk are the ones receiving these negative health effects. There's no data to suggest otherwise.
Llama_Face89 34
In regards to most of these... Tldr
FYLDeep 26
Afraid you might learn something?
DelphiCat 17
not going to lie, pretty sure i've never heard anyone say "just going to drink a glass of milk to make sure i get my magnesium!" so i do believe it being a poor source is irrelivant... Also, that fats and proteins contained in milk are also contained in many other animal products, so i dont really see how milk can be held soley responsible, particularly not in countries with such unnessisarily high levels of protein consumption... (countries who drink too much milk are the same countries which eat too much meat, so claiming to be one or the other instead of both is questionable....)
CryMoreFMLs 15
1 - Don't you mean bane? OP - That really sucks man. Try to be more careful? Accidents happen all the time, so you're not an idiot..... ... Unless you did it on purpose to see what would happen...
mspoutylips 8
The mouse is out to get you.
unhappybitch 8
At least you didn't get glued in a rat trap!
StoryOfTheYear 15
19- Give 1 a break. He's a purple ostrich with an identity crisis. He's got far more important things on his mind than proper grammar.
trollfaced 2
Stop trying to kill my pets, I put them there for a reason!
cBlackout 13
At least you didn't use a glue trap. Those are ****** up.
StoryOfTheYear 15
Pretty sure someone who died of the Black Plague would've killed for a glue trap of they could have gotten one. We're talking about rats. Those things that spread disease and destroy things with their teeth and stuff. Don't lose any sleep knowing that glue traps exist.
DelphiCat 17
Wasn't the rats, it was the FLEAS! Yeah, the rats carried fleas, but so did humans! also, if you kill a rat, its fleas will move onto a new host, which might be another rat, or it might be a juicy human - which would then further spread the disease!
Isoldael 27
Good thing the black plague is as good as gone (in most countries at least)... Also don't see what that has to do with glue traps being ****** up. "Justin Bieber's songs are crap" "well, I bet people 500 years ago would have killed for music on demand!"
cBlackout 13
58 aside from fleas, health conditions In Europe were that of a gas station bathroom - with no soap. People literally emptied buckets of shit into the streets.
DelphiCat 17
Orrrr get them from a rescue centre? Unloved rats need homes too!
OcampoFTW 4
24- don't forget he also has a blue waffle problem, which is odd