Today, I found shit on my windshield. I'm not sure if it is human or animal, but it was conveniently smeared all over and even more was placed under my wipers just in case I used them to clean it up. This isn't the first time, and I have no idea who I could have pissed off. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was driving along when the car in front of me ran over an animal. I only realised this when a chunk of flesh and blood landed on my windscreen. I put my wipers on to get rid of it but instead it got stuck underneath the wipers and smeared all over the screen. FML
Today, I opened my front door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML
Today, I discovered that I had left my sunroof open all night during a storm and my front seats was soaked. I grabbed a towel for my seat but didn't close my sunroof because it was nice out. As I pull out of my driveway, I felt something wet hit my forehead. A bird shit on me through my sunroof. FML
Today, I spent an hour and a half washing my car. As I was driving down the highway, a large bird flew over my car and accidentally dropped the dead animal he was about to have for dinner. It landed on my windshield. FML
Today, I found a dead bird on my windshield. Thinking I was clever, I turned on my windshield wipers to get the bird off. Unfortunately, the dead bird fell through my open window and onto my lap. FML
Today, someone did a hit and run on my car hard enough to knock it onto the curb from its parking spot, destroying the bumper. They didn't leave any info behind. After taking care of police reports and such, I got home and took off my shoes just to step in a puddle of my roommate's horrible cat's diarrhea. FML
Today, I ran into a bird. Not with my car, with my face. It was so scared, it crapped all over me. FML
Today, in my tidy, small-town neighborhood, I parked my car 50 metres further back from my usual spot just across from our house on a half-empty public street, because it was taken. Apparently, someone didn't appreciate this. So much so, they put a used condom under my windshield wiper. FML
Today, a bird took a dump on my truck as I was driving and the wind pushed it into the keyhole. FML
Today, I took my car into a car wash. I guess it was a bad idea to do it with my dog in the car, because he freaked out, started scrambling around, and ended up pissing on everything, me included. FML
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Top comments
bombroot 9
Well Set a trap! Next time they try to shit on your windshield they get scared
Enslaved 38
My guess is-- it's from your dog you don't pick up after. Pissed off neighbours might be making a point.
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Comments (87)
bombroot 9
Well Set a trap! Next time they try to shit on your windshield they get scared
MichellinMan 20
Homeless man D:
hayyyyleyyyybaby_fml 14
Should have given that guy a dollar..
HKCgrimmjow 15
Assuming they get on top of your car to shit on it just wax it really well and grease it up so ass they're ******** on it they slip and fall into the shit, that's my mind process. Deal with it lmao
Wiringify 22
"ass they're ********"... I see what you did there.
adam3650 12
This plan may backfire if they get so scared that they shit themselves.
HKCgrimmjow 15
#48, what makes it hilarious to me is the fact that, that was indeed an honest typo that worked in my favor xD
freshko21 6
Dang OP, that's some crazy shit!
dakatabg 31
You bet
Jea2096 11
That's disgusting :P
ethanman82 8
dont forget to whip!! ;-)
lolfood 24
What?
SWC_Penguin 17
You know, when he finds the person responsible...punish them with a severe whipping!
Horsempeg 25
They ment wipe, not whip.. I am assuming
MichellinMan 20
No shit
MichellinMan 20
God dammit wrong comment...
cosicosei 22
have you tried parking elsewhere maybe where they won't see your car? if that's not an option get a dash cam! ;)
lolfood 24
Waiting for "shitty situation." :|
Zomg_Okay 27
As of right now, we're 27 comments in and you're the only person to have mentioned it. Congratulations on destroying our chance at breaking a record.
roxxyfoxxy3 25
I was too. :D yay~ I take joy in the trolls and over-used jokes on here.
lolfood 24
I am very sorry. ._.
Enslaved 38
My guess is-- it's from your dog you don't pick up after. Pissed off neighbours might be making a point.
license2chill 5
Not relating this to OP, the dog owners who don't pick up their dogs' shit do deserve this treatment, but it's hell of a job to pull off..
Pleonasm 36
Do you think anyone will try to write "Clean me" with their fingers on this one?
ronzi 15
Ewwww thts gross ?
TiffGreen 11
Who would even do something like that??
michaelm1290 23
The poopetrator
laden_swallow09 35
Some middle school piece-of-shit punk who has nothing better to do with his life than to make life miserable for others.
philbelfrage 13
37 - I don't think I knew anyone in middle school who pooped on windshields. But sometimes the ones who poop on windshields are the ones you least expect.
harp 9
"The Mad Crapper"
laden_swallow09 35
If middle schoolers are capable of vandalising the children's play park near where I live, I would imagine defecating on a stranger's car wouldn't be far off. It'll only get worse as they get older.
thatnucca 36
Not cool! Now I'm going to have a problem eating that peanut butter sandwich for lunch...
philbelfrage 13
Well I don't think that should be a problem unless there is fecal matter in your peanut butter sandwich, in which case you're doing something wrong anyways. Unless it was the thought of windshields that repulsed you. But I wouldn't put glass in a peanut butter sandwich either.