Today, I found out why people in my new neighborhood keep giving me weird looks. For a laugh, my brother had gone around telling them I'm a parolee, and implying that I couldn't be trusted around their children. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my neighbor - whose first words to me when I moved onto the block were "I don't like your face" - called the cops and claimed I'd been exposing myself in public. His lowlife buddy backed him up on his lie. I'm pretty sure I'm going to end up in deep trouble thanks to them. FML
Today, I found out that while I was on vacation my neighbor had let my brother into my apartment. I don't have a brother. FML
Today, a creep called me out in the street and asked me why I was in that part of that street, because he "knows " I live in another part of the street, and he found it "odd" that I was there. He was smiling all that time too. FML
Today, my son's first impression of our new neighborhood was to be yelled at by the first kid he tried to introduce himself to, because my son was on the edge of their lawn. Half-an-hour later, I got a lecture at the corner store, because the clerk thinks vaccinations caused my son's autism. FML
Today, I found out everyone in my neighborhood thinks that I'm a beaten woman due to the reoccurring ambulances in front of my house at night. My kid just chokes on everything, and they don't believe me. FML
Today, I discovered that the reason my neighbors have been giving me weird looks while whispering to each other lately is because I've started walking my cat on a leash, and this is apparently "a cause for concern about my mental health." FML
Today, I was visited by Child Protective Services. It seems someone on my street reported me for neglect because I cloth diaper my children. I moved in less than 6 months ago, so I guess this is how they say, "Welcome to the neighborhood!" about these parts. FML
Today, I found out that our neighbors told almost everyone on our street that I was mentally handicapped. All this time I wasn't sure why they would speak slowly and loudly at me. Now they won't believe me when I tell them I'm a 4.0 GPA student. FML
Today, my neighbor's sons decided it would be funny to throw rocks at my house. I went outside to scold them and saw my other neighbors gathered around, watching. They didn't stop them because they thought I wasn't home. FML
Today, the police were canvassing my neighbourhood about a recent robbery. When I answered the door, my brother saw badges, panicked, and jumped out our apartment's third-storey window in an attempt to escape. He thought they were after him for using a bong two weeks ago. I'm related to this twit. FML
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Top comments
Tripartita 45
Looks like you're going to have to prove you're a good guy. I'd suggest buying candy for all the kids in the neighborhood, but that wouldn't cut it. Make it a van full of candy—oh, and make sure it's nearly windowless to ensure the candy doesn't melt in the sun.
Kermy1113 23
Why the hell would he do that?? That's not something to really play with.
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Comments (46)
Publikwerks 14
Put up flyers with his picture informing them he is a sex offender.
Mike3258 18
I would force him to go door to door with you to explain the situation. sorry op
Fas4wd 13
Things like that can't ever be fully taken back. Brother or not, I'd dole out some serious physical justice.
HooyahNavy 10
Looks like your brother doesn't realize that there some things you don't joke about and he didn't realize how that will affect you
amccaul1976 8
don't beat him up. Buy a billboard put up his picture and on it saying this man is wanted a in a string of robberies. If seen please call your cell phone. then when people call just let them know he's a lier and has cast the blame for his crimes onto his brother who is a stand up guy. If your brother comes around again they should go inside and lock the door. not cool when it happens to you.
rickAUS 22
Have to be careful with that kind of stuff, otherwise you'll be looking at defamation of character/slander. OP's brother sounds like they may have already done it so this approach definitely would.
silverbane27 13
I would disown said brother at that point . That's going to cause issues for years
writerchic85 26
On the upside, no kids will come to your house for Halloween, hence more candy for you.
Mental_Mouse 3
Yeah, this is something for which I would totally disown him. Even if he admitted to every single person he told that he lied about you, that doesn't reach the people they told....
Tomryan279 10
No one should ever joke about someone abusing a child. That is so messed up of him to do that. Only cause I don't know you If we're were in prison for abusing kids then you should die. Only pick on someone your own size who can fight back, and defend themselves
purple_duck88 6
Orrrr don't abuse anyone at all? Just a thought
dharmaint 15
Surprised that's all your getting