Today, I found out that what my husband meant by "we should try swinging" is "I really want to have sex with this one friend of yours, and if you so much as make eye contact with any guy I'm going to totally flip out and threaten to kill him and you." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Hey good lookin'
Today, a "friend" mentioned that my husband was "yummy", then asked if she could "have a turn" with him. I left and went home, outraged. When I told my husband, he couldn't conceal his stupid horny grin, and immediately tried to initiate sex. Pig. FML
Nice try, Dave
Today, my husband’s been dropping hints he wants to open our marriage. When I got home, a couple of his coworkers dropped by "for drinks". They tried to initiate group sex and figured I just needed to be talked into it. I was so mad, I couldn’t throw everyone out fast enough, including him. FML
Needs and desires
Today, I found out my husband is a cuck. After explaining that I'm not exactly satisfied in the bedroom, we were thinking of ideas to spice things up. I suggested buying a few toys he could use on me. He immediately got mad, because he wanted me to find other men to screw instead. FML
Unreasonable
Today, my husband demanded I delete all my male friends/contacts except family members. All this because I texted one of my male friends, “Happy Birthday! Hope you have a good one.” According to him, “One thing leads to another then next thing you know you both are in bed fucking like rabbits.” FML
Chadvice
Today, my husband was giving marriage advice to a friend, while I eavesdropped. I heard, "You want more sex? Let her see you flirting with other girls. Sophia sees me tease a cashier or some shit, the second we get home, she's putting on sexy lingerie and fucking my brains out. It's magic." FML
I want more
Today, I’m worried that swinging might've ruined my marriage. My wife and I both agreed and we very much enjoyed ourselves. The problem is that the other woman rode me like a high intensity thrill ride roller coaster compared to the same old merry go round that is my wife. FML
Maddening
Today, my insanely jealous wife flipped out and made me promise never to hug any of my female friends or go to lunch with them, ever. It's "cheating." FML
Cruisin' for a bruisin'
Today, I showed my best friend proof that her husband was sexually harassing me. Now she's refusing to talk to me, and I can't let my own husband out of my sight, for fear that he's going to murder the guy. FML
Hiding something?
Today, my husband threw an epic tantrum about how “men are allowed to have female friends”, smashed stuff in the living room, for him to storm out and slam the door, making the house tremble. All I did was tell him that his friendship with his secretary made me uncomfortable. FML
Strange dynamic
Today, my husband has been texting women to see if he can go out on a date with one of them, just because I’ve befriended his friend and apparently, the movie and food I got with the friend was a first date, so now he wants to get even. FML
Top comments
LovesSushi 25
Well that sounds healthy...
obnum 19
...what? He sounds like a terrible person
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Comments (138)
LovesSushi 25
Well that sounds healthy...
KingDead 18
Right... I think they should've talked about all aspects.. When you start involving other people it will get complicated, unless you both know what you're getting into.. And have a mutual agreement. She should drop him though, sounds nuts
AKGirlinSD 20
33, He sounds incredibly controlling. Swinging is when both partners are allowed to have sex with other people and they set ground rules. Therefore no one gets hurt. The husband wants to cheat on OP, tell her he's going to, but if she even looks at a guy she would want to have sex with, she's already been threatened to be killed, along with that guy. OP, I don't believe in divorce unless it is something so horrific that that's the only option, that's safe enough for someone. I think you should strongly think about it.
KingDead 18
I completely agree #42.. He's nutty putty to the T. I only mentioned what I did, because, what you say is how it's suppose to be, and I believe OP and her crazy husband should have gotten into more depth about what they were planning, taken it seriously, and responsibly. OP probably didn't think her husband was gunna go psycho though.. Asshole definitely had ulterior motives
MuseFan1991 14
i totally agree. swinging can sometimes save a relationship from what i've heard but this is so not healthy. I'm also not for divorce but in this situation i think i'd have to consider it. FYL OP
tjv3 10
I think maybe your husband is a douche bag dirt bag ahole just saying
obnum 19
...what? He sounds like a terrible person
not_a_robot 15
I think it is saying that the husband wants to cheat on the wfie, but the husband can't stand the thought of the wife even having contact with any other man. This is not worded very well.
GSU2013 6
It's worded fine, you're just an idiot.
not_a_robot 15
Ouch, I am sorry. I was only trying to pitch in, I hope I didn't confuse anybody.
Axipiter 24
Nope. Just yourself.
Redoxx_fml 22
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Could've been worse. Could have been your sister instead of your friend.
VannahJane 17
Id say a friend is still pretty terrible
Redoxx_fml 22
True, but it could have been worse
lilhellian 27
Yes, he could've promised to kill them.. Not just threaten.
cyanidesandwich 21
3- it can always be worse. What's worse than a sister? Your mother. Not much of a point in saying that it could be worse when it always can.
Dracoboxer357 36
3- I don't see how who the other person is he wants to **** is overly relevant when you consider he threatened Op with Death in regards to it. :p Like, seriously? Death threats in a relationship? It's as bad as it needs to be for her to leave this asshole, imho. :p
nephilim241 19
Tell him to go swing by himself, I think you know he's not the man you want to spend the rest of your life with!
yeti37 16
Right!! Tell him to swing on his own all he wants; that you and your lawyer will give him all the permission he wants as soon as he signs on the dotted line. If you don't give him permission, he will anyway, so cut him loose now.
powerkeep 24
omg that is so creepy
GuessWhatKids 13
....No it isn't.
yoursucklives 36
i can't even discribe how much of an asshole he is. FYL, OP
cyanidesandwich 21
Do cardboard cut outs of men count too?
MissMae93 23
Giving himself a "legitimate" reason to cheat. He's not worth your time.
wiccaantje 21
It's not cheating if she allows it. He's acting like a child by not just asking what he wants and by refusing her to get (if she would desire it) what he desires.
gc327072 31
If its legitimate cheating then a break up has a way to shut that whole thing down.
cb1002630 11
The point of this FML, 36, is that he only asked to "swing" so that he could get laid. If he wasn't fair in the agreement and basically lied to OP about how it would work, then yes- he cheated. Asking to do it under false pretenses so that his wife wouldn't freak out as badly is just gross.
wiccaantje 21
@78 I did say that he should have just been honest and not demand different rules for the both of them. I'm just saying it's not cheating, either they already had sex with a third and it was ok or they are going to and it's not ok anymore. No act of cheating has happened yet. He lied, he's an asshole, but not a cheating asshole.
cb1002630 11
Obviously it was not okay if HE already had sex or there wouldn't be an FML posted.
Yodaevil 4
Ass meet curb, introduce the two of them...
doubleddun 9
He sounds like he has some issues