Thanks mom

Today, I realized what my mom has been calling me for 20 years. She always calls me her "little fehler." With her being from Germany, I always thought it was a cute little nickname. Apparently, she's been calling me her "little mistake." FML

Today, I found out that the nickname my friend has been calling me in Japanese for the past year is the word for "Idiot". FML

Today, I discovered that my name literally means "burden". This wouldn't be so bad if both my mother and father knew this when they named me. FML

Decoding

Today, I figured out my girlfriend's mother has various nicknames for me. My girlfriend and her family are from Poland and speak on the phone in their native tongue, but they don’t know I’ve been learning the language either. I heard her call me “idiot”, “loser”, “moron” and various other “nicknames” multiple times. FML

Today, I learned that the cute pet name my boyfriend has been calling me for the past month is actually an acronym for "pain in the a**". FML

Today, I finally found out that the tattoo on my lower back means "slut" in Chinese, instead of "good fortune" as I always thought it did. FML

Reunited

Today, I accidentally called my boss "Mom." Now she is jokingly telling everyone that I'm the long-lost daughter she gave up for adoption, because she knew I'd be a failure. FML

Language barrier

Today, my mother who learned English as an adult sent an email to my boss, thanking them for hiring me even though I'm "retarded." I’m a law school graduate who was diagnosed with a minor learning disability in kindergarten, but she still calls me "retarded" when speaking English. FML

Today, my dad opened a Chinese fortune cookie that read, "Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes." Now he won't stop calling me Experience. FML

Named and shamed

Today, I discovered that my cool, unique first name translates to "unwanted" in Hindi. Both my parents studied abroad in India for five years. FML