Today, I found my intoxicated step-father in our back yard trying to domesticate a stray opossum, attempting to give it steak and malt liquor. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had a small get together in my backyard. My idiot sister got blackout drunk and found a stray cat. She was holding it and taking selfies, until her dumbass realized she’d actually picked up a possum. She panicked and dropped it. Now it’s loose somewhere in my house and I can’t find it. FML
Today, my drunk dad started yelling at my dog for not having a job. FML
Today, my drunken father decided to walk my quiet street naked. FML
Today, I found out that my father, who very recently lost his wife, decided that drunkenly hitting on my long-time boyfriend's mom was a good idea. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML
Today, my drunk dad decided to wake me up by lobbing our cat directly into my now-mauled face. FML
Today, my long lost father came to visit me. He got drunk, then tried to beat me up. My neighbor called the police, and as soon as they got there, my father yelled, "Help! This man tried to stab me!" The sad part is, they believed him. FML
Today, my dad decided to have a little father and daughter bonding time. Unfortunately, his idea of bonding involves him sitting around at home, getting piss drunk, and falling asleep. FML
Today, a drunk man started yelling at the lamppost outside my house, demanding to be let inside, all while my neighbors watched. That man is my dad. FML
Today, my father got drunk and became crazy. He just kept talking nonsense and swaying while walking. It seemed like he was going to vomit. I hate him being like this. FML
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Top comments
Spencyy 18
Well did he succeed?
rieebee 23
Obviously the logical thing to do.
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Comments (49)
katydid91 31
This has to be one of the more interesting stories I've heard on here. Well good luck with that.
Cloudshaper 5
Possibly the most Texas thing I've read.
alindori 2
Not going to lie, that's pretty ******* cool. We all want to try and domesticate a wild animal at one or more times in our lives, and your dad is doing it like a champ with those offerings!
awkwardeer 26
This would make an amazing drunken documentary.
doubleofuck 20
The poor opossum was probably confused and frightened. It's a wonder it didn't lash out. Although why anyone would want one as a pet is beyond me.
Pingvinai 37
That sounds straight out badass.
lilchica22001 22
You might be a redneck if..... Your dad tries to adopt a opossum as a pet by giving it steak and beer.
mblake88 2
I also have a story about an opossum and my step dad. My stepdad was drunk. Ran over an opossum with his car. Several times. Decided to put it in our kitchen sink for me and my friend to find in the morning, and it was still twitching...said he was gona make possum soup or something. Fml
dearest_gerr 12
I would umm...befriend your step father
Use0nceDestroy 2
haha! Hilarious visual!