Today, I finally summoned the courage to ask my dad to pay me as he promised, after I cut the lawn and cleaned all the house windows last week. His response was, "Get fucked." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, wanting to do something nice for my dad, I mowed the lawn. He grounded me for "emasculating" him. FML
Today, I thought I would surprise my dad by mowing our entire two acre lawn. When he got home, instead of being grateful like I had hoped, he yelled at me for cutting in vertical lines instead of horizontal. FML
Today, I finally told my dad that he owes me over 400 dollars, and that I need it or else I'd get kicked out of my apartment. He only gave me 70 and said to get a better job. FML
Today, I lost my patience and asked the deadbeat I loaned money to last year to please pay up. His response: "Blow me." No thanks, dad. FML
Today, after shoveling one guy's steps, sidewalk, and driveway for two hours straight, I went to ask for my money. He said, "Work is its own reward!" and shut the door in my face. FML
Today, my dad offered to pay me $40 to wash his car. Needing money to buy a video game, I agreed, and went out in the freezing weather to do the job. I finished the task, only to be paid in Monopoly money. My dad still hasn't gotten over how "funny" his prank was. FML
Today, I finally got the nerve to tell my parents that I'm no longer going to pay them a flat percent of my salary, but only what they need to cover my expenses. Their response: "Better find a place of your own then, you freeloading bastard." FML
Today, my dad asked to borrow some money off me, so I said okay. Later on, he told me he'll be using it to help divorce my mom. I pretty much just helped pay for my parents' divorce. FML
Today, my dad asked if I'd help him clean the gutters. I was given the responsibility of holding the ladder while he went on the roof. All I heard was laughter before a year's worth of rotting vegetation landed on top of my head. FML
Today, I finally confronted my father about how rude and tactless he is. It wasn't until I'd finished my rant that I realized he was ignoring me. He then told me to get him something to drink. I replied, "Since you asked so rudely, you can go get it yourself." As soon as I'd said that, he grunted and repeated himself. FML
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Top comments
SoylentCandycorn 10
Grade A Parenting. Remember this day when you choose his nursing home.
StalkerChick 13
Well, go get ******. In his bed.
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Comments (172)
CuriousAlien 7
Psh. **** that, I guess the house is going to stay pretty dirty for a while....
naya_bingi 11
Well at least if you follow his advise and have sex in his house and get pregnant he can't get mad. Tell him you couldn't afford the hotel or the condoms.
Krajjan 9
That is the single worst goddamn piece of advice I have ever heard ever. I once told someone to throw themselves into an active volcano. That qualifies as better advice because it only destroys one life.
naya_bingi 11
True... Except if you read my comment you'll realize I never advised her to do it. Merely pointed out that if should follow HIS advise and got pregnant she could try to pull that excuse.
lionandthelamb61 9
Better yet, become a prostitute and tell him you were just taking his advise and making a little money on your side since he was too much of a cheapskate to give you any himself.
SpikyG 3
By "Get ******" does he mean you can **** women know
nnnope 26
Let's not make assumptions about OP's sexuality.
leogachi 15
And yet there are so many people assuming OP is straight and you don't seem to have a problem with it.
nnnope 26
I don't recall having a problem with anybody's comment...? It just seemed like 29 jumped the gun and assumed OP is a guy.
nnnope 26
Your dad needs help. No one should ever talk to his/her daughter that way.
ednusi 7
I think you got a lil something on your nose
nnnope 26
I think I am aware
CuriousAlien 7
55, Lol, you've got a little something in your mouth.
False_Stupidity 42
Your father has no morals next time he asks you to do anything say the same.
pheebs314 17
My mom never paid me to do stuff... She would just start a monologue about how she paid for my food, clothes, housing... etc. I guess she was right.
pheebs314 17
I should add that she never offered to pay me for stuff either. She would just ask me to get it done.
winkydog4056 16
I can see why OP had to summon the courage to ask Mr. Congeniality (aka: dad) money she was owed!
Nightwing98 22
That might end with the boy getting shot though....
hulksmash666 5
Oh no daddy gives u a place to stay and food and clothes on ur back that's not good enough u want money for doing you household responsibilities. yeah get ******.
pheebs314 17
If he promised her payment, he should pay her. That's how an verbal contract works.
Altar_fml 2
Face your back to him and bend over.