Today, I finally summoned the courage to ask my dad to pay me as he promised, after I cut the lawn and cleaned all the house windows last week. His response was, "Get fucked." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, wanting to do something nice for my dad, I mowed the lawn. He grounded me for "emasculating" him. FML
Today, I thought I would surprise my dad by mowing our entire two acre lawn. When he got home, instead of being grateful like I had hoped, he yelled at me for cutting in vertical lines instead of horizontal. FML
Today, I finally told my dad that he owes me over 400 dollars, and that I need it or else I'd get kicked out of my apartment. He only gave me 70 and said to get a better job. FML
Today, I lost my patience and asked the deadbeat I loaned money to last year to please pay up. His response: "Blow me." No thanks, dad. FML
Today, after shoveling one guy's steps, sidewalk, and driveway for two hours straight, I went to ask for my money. He said, "Work is its own reward!" and shut the door in my face. FML
Today, my dad offered to pay me $40 to wash his car. Needing money to buy a video game, I agreed, and went out in the freezing weather to do the job. I finished the task, only to be paid in Monopoly money. My dad still hasn't gotten over how "funny" his prank was. FML
Today, I finally got the nerve to tell my parents that I'm no longer going to pay them a flat percent of my salary, but only what they need to cover my expenses. Their response: "Better find a place of your own then, you freeloading bastard." FML
Today, my dad asked to borrow some money off me, so I said okay. Later on, he told me he'll be using it to help divorce my mom. I pretty much just helped pay for my parents' divorce. FML
Today, my dad asked if I'd help him clean the gutters. I was given the responsibility of holding the ladder while he went on the roof. All I heard was laughter before a year's worth of rotting vegetation landed on top of my head. FML
Today, I finally confronted my father about how rude and tactless he is. It wasn't until I'd finished my rant that I realized he was ignoring me. He then told me to get him something to drink. I replied, "Since you asked so rudely, you can go get it yourself." As soon as I'd said that, he grunted and repeated himself. FML
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Top comments
SoylentCandycorn 10
Grade A Parenting. Remember this day when you choose his nursing home.
StalkerChick 13
Well, go get ******. In his bed.
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Comments (172)
OhAidan 7
You've been hit by... A smooth criminal.
ICastillo 25
Well "get ******" by pissing in your dads shoes or throwing trash on his bed or even light the mother ******* lawn on fire. I'm just saying your dad is an ass for pulling crap like that.
iarefatal 9
Too far? Nahhh slash a tire or two while you're at it.
every1luvsboners 11
He's just building character and trying to get a reaction out of you. You failed. Go find a job, then go **** yourself, ****-ferret-bastard.
the_enigma1019 1
Ask him what he thinks life will be like in 30 years... Then slip him a brochure to the shittiest retirement home you can find. Maybe he'll be a bit nicer then.
Epikouros 32
Brochures usually aren't very honest. For this purpose, someone should make a special brochure for "Charles Manson's Kennel for the Elderly."
ILoveZombieBoys 13
Unfair dad is unfair :/
KingCeltic77 18
My dad does that too. Your not alone OP.
every1luvsboners 11
I don't think the OP name is "not alone." I could be wrong though. Good day, madam.
CharresBarkrey 16
25 - if that was a grammar Nazi attempt, you failed miserably.
MrPlopper 9
32- How long have you been here? No one ***** with every1luvsboners!
Warden1986 16
And the asshole of the year award, goes to your dad!!
biglittlehead 12
**** bitches. Get money.
norotors 16
At least it's still warm enough to mow where you are. I'd love to be doing that now, instead of freezing.
lionandthelamb61 9
The grass is always greener ( get it? Get it?), or in my case, the snow is always deeper since I live in Texas and would do anything for a blizzard or two instead of sweating through 70 and 80 degree days in early December.
fudgeimout 2
Go tell your mom, your dad's being mean. Maybe she'll punish him and he won't "get ******" for awhile.
CuriousAlien 7
No offense, but how do you know that OP has a mom? Don't make assumptions.
fudgeimout 2
Thanks, for your input.