Today, I discovered that my husband is a tad paranoid after finding out that our cat has worms. He and I were in the middle of sharing a romantic shower following something of a dry spell when he bent over, spread his cheeks apart and asked, in earnest, "is there a worm sticking out of my ass?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I heard a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I discovered my husband, naked and with his pants around his ankles, standing in the bathtub and pointing at a cockroach on the ground. After disposing of the body, I had to stay and comfort him while he wiped his ass. FML
Today, it's been about year since I had worms. They're easy to treat but I told no one because I was so embarrassed. Was my house unclean? Was my food undercooked? Cue months of paranoia. Today my parents told me that their cat had worms last year. The same cat they asked me to cat-sit for two weeks. No one told me. FML
Today, my husband drunkenly confessed that he has a shit fetish and wants to watch me take a dump in the bathtub while he jerks off. Guess him saying he "didn't like kinky things" was a lie, then. FML
Today, after my husband got ready for work, he touched my arm and slowly bent down. I assumed he was going to say he loved me and to have a good day. As I quickly thought of a loving response and prepared to give him a kiss, he whispered in my ear, "Did you put a dead mouse in the toilet?" Thanks a lot, cat. FML
Today, I found my husband farting on my pillows, bare ass. His only words were, "This isn't what it looks like." FML
Today, I discovered that my husband doesn't wash his hands after using the toilet. Too bad I got to found out after three years of marriage, and while his finger was in my mouth. FML
Today, my husband and I mutually discovered that we are both infected with pubic lice. How? I found his and he found mine while we were in the middle of 69-ing each other. So, so gross. FML
Today, after being convinced that my cat had worms due to eating so much food and still looking really skinny, I found out that my neighbor secretly lets his dog in through my pet door while I'm at work. FML
Today, my boyfriend learned about my filthy fetishes in the worst way possible. He found me naked in the bathroom, licking the dirty toilet seat. I couldn't even make an excuse. FML
Today, my husband asked me to check his asshole to see if his haemorrhoid had grown any bigger. This is my life now, all romance gone, and having to check his hairy ringpiece every day, and our kids wonder why I drink before I can fall asleep. FML
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Top comments
FYLDeep 26
Ask him to bend over so you can get a better look, then shove a ***** deep inside. Or better yet, get out the strap-on like the FML a few days back.
Mirorbo 27
Ehhhhh....disturbing on a very high level....
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Comments (132)
awesomesauce8 0
bahahaha. yucky.
perdix 31
You should have said, "No, but there's a little, bitty one sticking out just above your balls."
scarletscribblez 0
LMFAO... How the hell are you so funny O_o
kiraster 3
hahaha!!!! that just made my day!!
scarletscribblez 0
Haha.. Yeah ... I don't blame him. When I was like 9 my mum would always say worms would grow in my stomach if I didn't brush my teeth before bed.... One day I was in the washroom when I thought I saw something coming out of my belly button. I started screaming and bawling for my parents to come .... Turns out it was lint. Not fun. Your husband has a valid reason for paranoïa! Haha! (Good tiimes lol)
fred88_fml 0
shouldve jammed a finger in and said "now there is"
goldhighways 0
nice tattoo :D
angtaffe 0
agree wit 43
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Aah, these are the things the poets never tell us about...
nikkired 0
Well did he have a worm there ?
SaintE_fml 0
50 you are funny
unfortunate_13 5
first thing that i can think of is: what the hell did he do to/with your cat that he's so paranoid right now??
Toiga 0
LMAO! A true married couple!
_Ama_Lia_V_ 0
Ohh Myy My ... Just Slap His Ass xD