Today, I discovered that my husband is a tad paranoid after finding out that our cat has worms. He and I were in the middle of sharing a romantic shower following something of a dry spell when he bent over, spread his cheeks apart and asked, in earnest, "is there a worm sticking out of my ass?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I heard a blood-curdling scream from the bathroom. I discovered my husband, naked and with his pants around his ankles, standing in the bathtub and pointing at a cockroach on the ground. After disposing of the body, I had to stay and comfort him while he wiped his ass. FML
Today, it's been about year since I had worms. They're easy to treat but I told no one because I was so embarrassed. Was my house unclean? Was my food undercooked? Cue months of paranoia. Today my parents told me that their cat had worms last year. The same cat they asked me to cat-sit for two weeks. No one told me. FML
Today, my husband drunkenly confessed that he has a shit fetish and wants to watch me take a dump in the bathtub while he jerks off. Guess him saying he "didn't like kinky things" was a lie, then. FML
Today, after my husband got ready for work, he touched my arm and slowly bent down. I assumed he was going to say he loved me and to have a good day. As I quickly thought of a loving response and prepared to give him a kiss, he whispered in my ear, "Did you put a dead mouse in the toilet?" Thanks a lot, cat. FML
Today, I found my husband farting on my pillows, bare ass. His only words were, "This isn't what it looks like." FML
Today, I discovered that my husband doesn't wash his hands after using the toilet. Too bad I got to found out after three years of marriage, and while his finger was in my mouth. FML
Today, my husband and I mutually discovered that we are both infected with pubic lice. How? I found his and he found mine while we were in the middle of 69-ing each other. So, so gross. FML
Today, after being convinced that my cat had worms due to eating so much food and still looking really skinny, I found out that my neighbor secretly lets his dog in through my pet door while I'm at work. FML
Today, my boyfriend learned about my filthy fetishes in the worst way possible. He found me naked in the bathroom, licking the dirty toilet seat. I couldn't even make an excuse. FML
Today, my husband asked me to check his asshole to see if his haemorrhoid had grown any bigger. This is my life now, all romance gone, and having to check his hairy ringpiece every day, and our kids wonder why I drink before I can fall asleep. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
FYLDeep 26
Ask him to bend over so you can get a better look, then shove a ***** deep inside. Or better yet, get out the strap-on like the FML a few days back.
Mirorbo 27
Ehhhhh....disturbing on a very high level....
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (132)
sarah17xx_fml 10
All these in the middle of a romantic shower? A MAJOR mood killer. Not to mention how disgusting it is.. BLEHH!! *pukes*
kyarii_fml 7
Okay I know it may seem weird that I know about this. After working many years with animals. It IS possible for your animal to share tapeworms with you. NOT ALL though. It is usually a severe case and a vet would have told you that you needed to be checked out yourself. Since all animals are BORN with worms... it's normal and nothing to be concerned with. So unless you eat the worms or the animals poop... You need to not be concerned.
Culnamo 0
I have to admit that even though this really sucks, I genuinely laughed out loud! I'm sorry.
yogigirl 3
That's horrible with a w whorible.
taviwuzup 0
A tad?
ethan_unoxx 29
0_o
WarriorOmen 25
I am laughing so hard at this, seriously. I would do a nice, through inspection if that was my boyfriend.
getfokinrektm8 9
well, was there?
ditsy_blu_baboo 7
Exactly something my husband would do too.
teacupofsunshine 29
You should said yes! Lol see his reaction.