Today, I casually mentioned to my dad that it was the Chinese New Year yesterday. He accused me of insulting his intelligence by "making stupid shit up." I explained that it's real, and that we just use the Gregorian calendar, hence the different dates. He responded by grounding me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad asked me when I was going to start looking for a job. Jokingly, I told him next year. He got pissed, started to yell, then realized Tuesday is New Year's Day and grounded me for "being a dumbass." FML
Today, my dad forgot it's my birthday. When I told him about it, he accused me of lying and threatened to ground me for a week. FML
Today, my dad rejected my birthday present to him because it was "Made in China." FML
Today, a kid from school came to my house. He asked my dad if I was at home, because we were "planning a bit of the old, you know…" and made an obscene gesture. Now I'm grounded for a month, and no matter what I say, my dad won't believe that I've never even spoken to the kid before. FML
Today, my dad made a big show of sending me to my room and grounding me for a week. Not because he heard me cursing at my video game, but because I "swear like a little girl" and it embarrassed him in front of his friends. FML
Today, I told my mom I was going on a date tonight. She laughed and didn't believe me. When I tried to convince her it was real, she got mad and grounded me for lying. I had to cancel the date. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML
Today, I got into an argument with my mother, when she snapped and called me a son of a bitch. I said that made no sense, because I'm a girl, and it'd only really confirm that she's a bitch. She then grounded me for insulting her. FML
Today, my dad and mom and I were going out to eat dinner. My dad wanted a romantic dinner just with my mom so he told me to make an excuse not to go. I did, which ended up as a huge fight, grounded and phone taken away. My dad just stood there in the background putting thumbs up. FML
Today, my normally very modest and prissy mom came home, pissed off about something. I asked her what was wrong, but she wouldn't say, and snapped at me to "fuck off." She then grounded me for "making" her use that kind of "vile language." FML
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Top comments
littlemonster94 15
Ohhhh the ignorance of people sometimes
DocBastard 40
Seems your father was born during the year of the ass.
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Comments (107)
havok87 11
Texas..... But of course.
23Z9TZO 18
I'm seeing a trend of 'outsmarted parents then they grounded me' fmls lately
upallnight11 19
Ignorance is bliss.
Prolusive 5
They say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. To your credit, you seem to be a big exception to this rule...
BradTheBrony 19
I think the apple fell into a river, in this case.
xRezSynn 15
I'm sorry about your dad's pride and ignorance.
lekijkerd 8
Oh my God, are you Lisa Simpson? 'cause your dad sounds like Homer.
erichsalvesen 13
Your father is an idiot.
AdamsNumberOne 16
sounds like he needs to grow up and learn how to react to reality
HomoIndomitus 4
That should teach you to not enlighten others without their explicit consent.
Rogersmoonshine 7
Your father is a retard.